God burns Aaron's sons to death for offering "strange fire"

Here's a nice Bible story for Father's Day.

And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, took either of them his censer, and put fire therein, and put incense thereon, and offered strange fire before the LORD, which he commanded them not. And there went out fire from the LORD, and devoured them, and they died before the LORD. Leviticus 10:1-2

Aaron's sons offered some sort of strange fire to God, and it pissed God off so much that he burned them to death.

I guess the moral of the story is this: Don't play with fire or God will burn you to death. God fights fire with fire.

But I like Moses' explanation even better. Here's what he said to Aaron right after God burned Aaron's sons to death.

Then Moses said unto Aaron, This is it that the LORD spake, saying, I will be sanctified in them that come nigh me, and before all the people I will be glorified. Leviticus 10:3a

God burned Aaron's sons alive so that God would "be sanctified in them" and so that he would "be glorified."

That helps.

Moses warned Aaron not to mourn the death of his sons (by uncovering his head or tearing his clothes) or God would kill him too, along with all the people.

And Moses said unto Aaron, and unto Eleazar and unto Ithamar, his sons, Uncover not your heads, neither rend your clothes; lest ye die, and lest wrath come upon all the people. Leviticus 10:6

So Aaron did as he was told, and watched in silence as his sons were burned to death by God.

And Aaron held his peace. Leviticus 10:3b

In this story, who the biggest asshole: Moses, Aaron, or God?

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Note: I revised this post to include the bit about Moses forbidding Aaron to mourn the death of his sons. Somehow I missed that, and I thank Wise Fool for pointing it out in the comments. (If I'd paid more attention to the Brick Testament story, I would have caught that!)



God's next killing: A blasphemer is stoned to death

Who is on the Lord's side? (Forcing friends and family to kill each other)

In his previous killings, God killed indiscriminately. He drowned everyone and everything in the flood, smashed people with burning stones at Sodom and Gomorrah, and killed every Egyptian firstborn child and animal just for the heck of it. So I guess we should be used to this sort of thing by now.

But in this killing, God forces 3000 friends and family members to kill each other. That seems kind of nasty even for a very nasty god.

Here are the gory details.

Moses was up on Mount Sinai getting the ten commandments from God. Since he'd been gone so long (he'd been up there for 40 days) the people began to wonder if he'd ever come back, so they asked Aaron to make some other gods for them. Aaron thought that was a pretty good idea, so he:

... said to them, Break off the golden earrings, which are in the ears of your wives, of your sons, and of your daughters, and bring them unto me ... And ... he had made it a molten calf. Exodus 32:2-4

You might think that a bunch of runaway slaves wouldn't have much gold. But God told them to steal whatever jewelry they could find from the Egyptians. (This was before God gave them the ten commandments, so it was OK to do back then.)

The children of Israel did according to the word of Moses; and they borrowed of the Egyptians jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment. And the LORD gave the people favour in the sight of the Egyptians, so that they lent unto them such things as they required. And they spoiled the Egyptians. Exodus 12:35-36

I guess God wanted them to have enough gold to make a golden calf. It was all a part of his plan.

So the people gave Aaron their stolen gold and Aaron made a golden calf.

Now making a golden calf out of a bunch of ear rings and a campfire might seem hard to you. But Aaron just threw them all onto a fire and out came a golden calf. Really.

And I [Aaron] said unto them, Whosoever hath any gold, let them break it off. So they gave it me: then I cast it into the fire, and there came out this calf. Exodus 32:24

It was a miracle. God made the golden calf when Aaron threw the jewelry on the fire. It was all part of his plan.

In any case, when Moses came down from the mountain, he saw the people dancing naked ("for Aaron had made them naked") around the golden calf. So he smashed the stone tablets, burned the golden calf, ground it into a powder, sprinkled it on water, and then forced everyone (all 3 million of them) to drink it.

But Moses was just getting started. Here's what he said next:

Who is on the Lord's side? .... Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbour ... and there fell of the people that day about three thousand men. Exodus 32:26-28

So those on God's side went out and killed 3000 of their friends, neighbors, and family members. (A question for believers: Are you on the Lord's side? Are you willing to kill your family, friends, and neighbors for God?)

But God still wasn't satisfied. When he first found out about the golden calf and the naked dancing he wanted to kill everyone, but Moses talked him out of it. Imagine that. Moses is a nicer guy than God. (Read Numbers 31:14-18- to see the implication here.)

So:

The LORD plagued the people, because they made the calf, which Aaron made. Exodus 32:25

And I have another killing to add to God's list.

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This killing is highlighted in the Poverty and Justice Bible.

The Lord God of Israel commands you to strap on your swords and go through the camp killing your relatives, friends, and neighbours.

I guess it shows God's sense of justice.

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God's next killing: The Lord plagued the people because of the calf that Aaron made

The Lord Tried to Kill Him: God's first failed murder attenpt

OK, I'm done with Genesis. I found five divine killing episodes.

1. The Flood
2. Sodom and Gomorrah
3. Lot's wife
4. Er
5. Onan

If I've missed any, let me know. I don't want to get God pissed off. I know how proud he is of his killings.

Now on to Exodus.

Which leads me to the topic of this post. It is one of the strangest stories in a book filled with strange stories. And it all happens so fast, you'll miss it if you're not careful.

But first a little background. (Context is everything, as believers like to say.)

In the previous chapter (Exodus 3), Moses has a long conversation with God, who is cleverly disguised as a burning bush. God tells Moses to return to Egypt and rescue the Israelites. God says that he will smite the Egyptians with all his wonders and all the Israelites have to do is steal the Egyptians' possessions.

But Moses is worried that the Pharaoh might not listen to him. So God teaches him some magic tricks. He shows him how to throw his rod on the ground and turn it into a snake. Then grab the snake by the tail and it becomes a rod again. How cool is that?

In case that doesn't work, God shows Moses how to make his own hand leprous, and then make it normal again.

And finally, the God's third trick is to turn water into blood. God says that that ought to do it.

But Moses is still unconvinced. What if they still don't believe him? He's not that great a public speaker, ya know.

Then God says, "Who made the dumb, deaf, and the blind? Have not I the Lord?" If he can make people dumb, deaf, and blind, he can do anything.

But Moses is still unsure of himself, so God tells him to bring his brother Aaron along. He's a smooth talker. They'll believe him.

And even if they don't, it won't matter. God says that even with all his snake, leper, and blood tricks, the Pharaoh still won't believe. Because God "will harden his heart, that he shall not let the people go."

So the whole thing is pointless, really. Moses and Aaron are going to do all the neat tricks, but they will fail because God will harden the Pharaoh's heart.

And then God throws in one more thing.

And thou shalt say unto Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD, Israel is my son, even my firstborn: And I say unto thee, Let my son go, that he may serve me: and if thou refuse to let him go, behold, I will slay thy son, even thy firstborn. Exodus 4:22-23

And that's it. That's the context.

Now for the rest of the story.

And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the LORD met him, and sought to kill him. Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me. So he let him go: then she said, A bloody husband thou art, because of the circumcision. Exodus 4:24-26

Moses heads off on a mission from God, God meets him along the way and tries to kill him.

The Bible doesn't say why God tried to kill the guy he just taught his tricks to. But apparently it had something to do with foreskin.

Moses' son wasn't circumcised, I guess, and it really pissed off God, so he tried to kill Moses. Lucky his wife (Zipporah) quickly figured out what God was bugged about, grabbed a sharp rock and cut off her son's foreskin -- all before God could kill Moses. Whew!

OK. Try to top that story!

Can you believe that over 3 billion people believe this stuff?
(Fortunately, fewer and fewer do each day.)

Have ye saved all the women alive?

Oops! In my post, How many has God killed?, I forgot to include the Midianite massacre. But luckily David Plotz in Blogging the Bible reminded me.

Plotz calls it the "most hideous war crime in a Bible filled with them." And he's right about that. It is simply impossible to read this and still believe that it was inspired by a kind and loving God. Here's a brief summary, but if you haven't read the entire story, be sure to do so. (Numbers 31:1-35)

God tells Moses to "avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites." So "they warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males," taking the women and children captive.

But when the officers returned from the battle, Moses was angry with them, saying, "Have ye saved all the women alive?" So he tells them to

...kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. (Numbers 31:17-18)

The soldiers do as they were told, killing all the women and children except for the virgins, of which there were 32,000. And since there must have been at least twice as many men, non-virgin women, and young boys, I used 90,000 for the Midianite massacre in the revised death toll.

The Brick Testament: Massacre of the Midianties