28 September 2009

Five kings killed and hung on trees

In his last killing, God got right in there and "fought for Israel." He "discomfited them ... and slew them with a great slaughter ... and chased them along the way." He "cast down great stones from heaven" and made the sun (and moon) stand still still so that Joshua could get his killing done in the broad daylight. God hadn't been so busy since he made all the stars in a single day.

But while God was busy chasing people, throwing stones, and stopping the sun and the moon from moving, the five kings got away.
But these five kings fled, and hid themselves in a cave at Makkedah. Joshua 10.16
When the Israelites found them, Joshua told them to roll some big stones over the mouth of the cave to trap them, and then chase and kill any of the Amorite soldiers that were trying to get away. He told them to "smite the hindmost of them" (kick their butts).
Pursue after your enemies, and smite the hindmost of them; suffer them not to enter into their cities: for the LORD your God hath delivered them into your hand. 10.19
So that's what they did.
And it came to pass, when Joshua and the children of Israel had made an end of slaying them with a very great slaughter, till they were consumed. 10.20
Then they opened up the cave and brought the five kings to Joshua. He and his captains then do something strange: they put their feet on the necks of the kings.
Joshua ... said unto the captains of the men of war which went with him, Come near, put your feet upon the necks of these kings. And they came near, and put their feet upon the necks of them. 10.24
While their doing this, Joshua says
Thus shall the LORD do to all your enemies against whom ye fight. 10.25
So I guess God does this to his enemies, too.

After Joshua withdraws his feet from the kings' necks, he does what he does best: he kills them.
Joshua smote them, and slew them. 10.26a
And hangs their dead bodies on trees until evening.
And hanged them on five trees: and they were hanging upon the trees until the evening. 10.26b
Then he took down their bodies, put them back in the cave that they were hiding in, and covered the entrance to the cave with a bunch of rocks. The rocks are still there to this day. No kidding.
They took them down off the trees, and cast them into the cave wherein they had been hid, and laid great stones in the cave's mouth, which remain until this very day. 10.27
(I put the death toll for the “very great slaughter” of Joshua 10.20 at 10,000.)


Matthew Blanchette said...

You think they'd have found this supposed cave containing the now-mummified bodies of these kings, considering it's there "until this very day"... unless, of course, the whole story is a violent fantasy. ;-)

Anonymous said...

"Since "feet" is a biblical euphemism for genitals" where do you get this from? I'm relatively familiar with the bible (as in I've read the whole thing once, and parts of it repeatedly and grew up believing it) but I've never heard this before.

Steve Wells said...


See the link to "The Old Testament and Sex" at John Mark Ministries. (http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/2853.htm)

I also put up a link in the post.

GeorgeRic said...

Back in 1883 Edwin Abbott wrote 'Flatland'. He uses it to give an understanding of contiguous geometric worlds, each existing at a higher level of dimensions. Today 'Techie Worlds' is available. Written for people with a mechanistic understanding of our world, it looks at ridiculous Christian teachings, such as Trinity, soul, resurrection and judgment. In so doing, 'Techie Worlds' follows science's lead in examining phenomena in the light of theory. Contiguous dimensional worlds provide a logical, mechanical explanation for those phenomena.
So an intelligent, intellectually honest and open-minded person has excellent reason to hold religious views. In the light of Pascal's wager, people would be foolish to deny Christian teaching or to hold Moslem or pagan beliefs.
'Techie Worlds, Visible & Invisible' is available from www.amazon.com.

busterggi said...

So GeorgeRic, which god do you believe in?

All of them are jealous so you'd better pick the right one or Pascal's wager has done you zero good.

Anonymous said...

Not only is the bible full of bloodlust, it makes it seem heroic!!

What surprises me is how so-called intellectuals like Karen Armstrong can simply ignore all this sanctified mayhem and bigotry and claim that Religions are full of calls for compassion toward one another?

I recently bogged about the article that Lisa Miller wrote in Newsweek and somehow these dimwits simply ignore the widespread sanctified violence.

What gives?

TWF said...

Hey Steve, I love the interpretation of "smite the hindmost of them" as kicking their butts.

On the off chance that that is not just well-deserved satire, I'll add my interpretation that it instead means that God let the Israelites slay those who could not run away fast enough. They would have been lagging behind the herd, like sickly zebras culled lions.

Who knew that God was a proponent of Natural Selection?