Jon Stewart isn't afraid to criticize people for their nasty beliefs -- unless the source of those beliefs is religion. Then, whatever it is, it's OK with him.
Here's how he put it on last night's show:
You can't cherry pick the worst aspects of a religion and then hold every member of that religion solely responsible for it.
Yes, you can. That is exactly what we should do.
We should hold Mormons responsible for the racism that is found throughout the Book of Mormon; Jews, for the cruel and intolerant passages in the Hebrew Scriptures; Christians, for the nasty bullshit in both of their testaments; and Muslims, for the entire hodgepodge of hateful horseshit that is the Quran.
The individual members of a religion are not solely responsible for the worst aspects of their religion. But they are responsible for believing it.
And we should hold them responsible for every rotten cherry on their religion's tree. If they don't like the cherries, they should pick another tree.
As Jon Stewart points out, we are no longer allowed to say that rich people are rich. "You have to refer to them as 'job creators.' You can't even use the word 'rich'. You have to say, 'This chocolate cake is so moist and job creator.'"
Well then, here's what Jesus said about job creators.
Verily I say unto you, That a rich man job creator shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven. And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man job creator to enter into the kingdom of God. Matthew 19:23-24, Mark 10:25, Luke 18:25
Woe to you that are rich job creators! for ye have received your consolation. Luke 6:24
There was a certain rich man job creator, which was clothed in purple and fine linen, and fared sumptuously every day:
And there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, which was laid at his gate, full of sores,
And desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man's job creator's table: moreover the dogs came and licked his sores.
And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man job creator also died, and was buried;
And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.
And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.
But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented. Luke 16:19-25
Clearly, according to Jesus, job creators are going to hell. Their best hope for salvation is higher taxes. The more we tax them, the greater their chance of making it through the eye of the needle.
So let's save the job creators by taxing the hell out of them.
Jon Stewart spent his whole show last saying goodbye to Glenn Beck. And it was worth every minute of it. It was all great, of course, but the part I liked best was his quote of Isaiah 49:22.
Here it is in the King James Version:
Thus saith the Lord GOD, Behold, I will lift up mine hand to the Gentiles, and set up my standard to the people: and they shall bring thy sons in their arms, and thy daughters shall be carried upon their shoulders.
But that's not what he quoted from. He used the New International Version (NIV), which reads this way:
This is what the Sovereign LORD says: "See, I will beckon to the Gentiles, I will lift up my banner to the peoples; they will bring your sons in their arms and carry your daughters on their shoulders.
Which, with a little erasing, became this:
...the Sovereign LORD says: "... Beck... will lift up my banner to the people...." Isaiah 49:22
I can't find a way to embed the video here, but here's a link.
I'm sure you've heard the latest crazy thing that Pat Robertson has said: that the earthquake in Haiti was a punishment from God for the slave revolt of 1791 in which the Haitian slaves made a pact with the devil.
As if the Bible were filled with good, comforting verses for the devastated people of Haiti. He even found and quoted four verses from four different translations of the Bible.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10
Thou who hast made me see many sore troubles wilt revive me again; from the depths of the earth thou wilt bring me up again. Psalm 71:20
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10
And in a way, Jon Stewart and his staff should be commended for this. Because although the Bible is indeed a very big book, it is not a very good one. So it's not easy to find good stuff in the Bible, no matter what translation you use.
It's much easier to find verses that support Pat Robertson's position. God killed millions of people in the Bible for all kinds of stupid reasons or for no reason at all. And he enjoyed every minute of it.
It's true, of course, that Pat Robertson is full of shit. But the shit that he's full of is the Bible, the whole Bible, and nothing but the Bible. It should be exposed for what it is instead of trying to cover it up with a few good verses and a swipe at Rachel Maddow.
