15 October 2009

Liberals and Intellectuals cast out of Conservative Bible

Can the Divine Guide be far behind?

Last week I posted some verses from the Conservative Bible. The Pharisees had become Liberals and scribes, intellectuals.

Well, Here's how Mark's Andy's Gospel looks today.

Mark 2:8

King James Version
And immediately when Jesus perceived in his spirit that they so reasoned within themselves, he said unto them, Why reason ye these things in your hearts?
Conservative Bible (7 October 2009)
Jesus perceived immediately what the intellectual types were thinking, and he asked them, "Why are you so hostile to this?
Conservative Bible (15 October 2009)
Jesus immediately perceived in His spirit what they were thinking, and he asked them, "Why are you so hostile to this?
Mark 2:16

KJV
And when the scribes and Pharisees saw him eat with publicans and sinners, they said unto his disciples, How is it that he eateth and drinketh with publicans and sinners?
Conservative Bible (7 October 2009)
Seeing him eating with the tax collectors and sinners, the Pharisees and intellectuals demanded of his disciples, "Why does he eat and drink with these tax collectors and sinners?"
Conservative Bible (15 October 2009)
Seeing him eating with the tax collectors and sinners, the Pharisees and scribes demanded of His students, "Why does he eat and drink with these tax collectors and sinners?"

(Oh, I like that! They've changed disciples to students. I guess Jesus was home schooling them.)

Mark 3:2

KJV
And they watched him, whether he would heal him on the sabbath day; that they might accuse him.
Conservative Bible (7 October 2009)
The Liberals watched Jesus to see if they might catch and accuse him of healing on the Sabbath.
Conservative Bible (15 October 2009)
They were watching Jesus to see if they might catch and accuse him of healing on the Sabbath.
Mark 3:4

KJV
And he saith unto them, Is it lawful to do good on the sabbath days, or to do evil? to save life, or to kill? But they held their peace.
Conservative Bible(7 October 2009)
Jesus asked the Liberals, "Which is lawful on the Sabbath: doing good or evil? Saving a life, or killing one?" The Liberals did not answer.
Conservative Bible (15 October 2009)
Jesus asked them, "Which is lawful on the Sabbath: doing good or evil? Saving a life, or killing one?" And they didn't answer.
Mark 3:6

KJV
And the scribes which came down from Jerusalem said, He hath Beelzebub, and by the prince of the devils casteth he out devils.
Conservative Bible (7 October 2009)
Jerusalem intellectuals came also, smearing Jesus by saying "He has Beelzebub and casts out devils by the power of the devil!"
Conservative Bible (15 October 2009)
The Pharisees then fled from the scene to plot with the Herodians against Jesus, and plan how they might destroy him.

(Damn! I really liked having the intellectuals come smearing Jesus. Why did they remove that?)

Mark 3:22

KJV
And the scribes which came down from Jerusalem said, He hath Beelzebub, and by the prince of the devils casteth he out devils.
Conservative Bible(7 October 2009)
Jerusalem intellectuals came also, smearing Jesus by saying "He has Beelzebub and casts out devils by the power of the devil!"
Conservative Bible (15 October 2009)
Some scribes from Jerusalem came also, smearing Jesus by saying "He has Beelzebub and throws out demons by calling on the leader of demons!"

(Oh good, at least the scribes are still smearing Jesus, even if the intellectuals aren't.)

So now I'm worried.

How long will it be before the Divine Guide is cast out of the Conservative Bible? It would be such a shame to lose a verse like this:

Mary ... became pregnant with the child of the Divine Guide. Matthew 1:18

5 comments:

எழில் said...

should the sinners be translated as conservatives?

That would be apt.

Baconsbud said...

Is this like Wikipedia, where anyone can change things or what? Wow are the conservitives that worried that they have to completely change what the bible says so they can try and stop education.

Steve Wells said...

Well, now this is like anti-Wikipedia. It was started by Andy Schlafly to counter wikipedia's supposed bias against conservatives.

You can only contribute to Conservapedia if you agree with Andy Schafly on everything. Otherwise, you are cast into the outer darkness.

busterggi said...

Yeah, shun them edumacated scribes!

First they learn to read & the ness thing ya know they're discover science.

matt311 said...

Child of the Divine Guide? I'm guessing he'd be just as crazy, right?