12 October 2009

The LORD delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites

After Joshua died, the Israelites wondered who was going to do their killing for them. So they asked God.

Can't you just picture it? Several million Israelites asking God together in unison:
Who shall go up for us against the Canaanites first, to fight against them? Judges 1.1
Well, at least they asked the right guy.
The LORD said, Judah shall go up: behold, I have delivered the land into his hand. 1.2
So God selected the tribe of Judah to kill the Canaanites and steal their land.

The first killing was easy, since God delivered them into their hand.
The LORD delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites into their hand: and they slew of them in Bezek ten thousand men. 1.4
After the Bezek massacre, they captured the king and cut off his thumbs and big toes.
But Adonibezek fled; and they pursued after him, and caught him, and cut off his thumbs and his great toes. 1.6
Which I guess was to pay him back for doing the same to seventy other kings.
Adonibezek said, Threescore and ten kings, having their thumbs and their great toes cut off, gathered their meat under my table: as I have done, so God hath requited me.  1.6
Then they brought him to Jerusalem, where he died.
And they brought him to Jerusalem, and there he died. 1.7

Estimated Number Killed: 10,000
God's next killing: The Jerusalem massacre
List of God's killings


Matthew Blanchette said...

I find it hilarious (and slightly disturbing) that, after having cut off his thumbs and big toes, the Israelites bring the king to Jerusalem, where he subsequently dies; I'm guessing nobody thought to staunch the poor guy's wounds, and so he bled to death on the way up, leaving an enormous trail of blood for miles.

Yeah, you've got to love those Israelites.

Unknown said...

I was just wondering about something. When the bible says: "And the LORD said, ", how exactly did the lord say things? Big thundering voice from the sky? Unmistakably god like? Did he speak in the head of some dude who did the speaking for the rest of the favourite part of creation? Was he related to Benny Hinn?

The lord used to say many things, presumably unmistakable. What shut him up?

Unknown said...

Non believers. ,)