28 October 2011

Saving the Seed of Cain from the Flood of Noah

In my last post I described how Mormon Scripture explains the origin of black people. (They are the seed of Cain.)

Which is all very interesting. But if you are foolish enough to accept that racist explanation, you still have a problem. How did the seed of Cain survive Noah's flood?

Well, lucky for you, my racist friend, Mormon Scripture has the answer!

You've probably seen the pictures of Noah's family. They look a lot like this.

A nice, happy, white family. But if they were all white, where'd all the black people come from?

And that's where the Book of Abraham comes in.

Unless you're a Mormon, you've probably never heard of the Book of Abraham. It's not in that little blue book that the Mormon missionaries gave you (and that you've never looked at since). And Mormons don't like to talk about it much because it's horribly embarrassing to them. But it's in the Pearl of Great Price and is, therefore, a part of Mormon Scripture.

In it we learn that Pharaoh was descended from the testicles of Ham.

Pharaoh ... was a descendant from the loins of Ham, and was ... of the blood of the Canaanites by birth ... thus the blood of the Canaanites was preserved in the land. Abraham 1:20-22

(Ham was the guy who saw his father, Noah, drunk and naked in Genesis 9:20-25. For this crime, God cursed the descendants of Canaan, Ham's son, with slavery.)

Abe also tells us that Egypt was discovered (while it was still under water from the flood) by one of Ham's daughters, Egyptus. (She was named after her mother, Ham's wife, who was also named Egyptus, and who was, apparently, a black woman.)

The land of Egypt being first discovered by a woman, who was the daughter of Ham, and the daughter of Egyptus which in the Chaldean signifies Egypt, which signifies that which is forbidden. When this woman discovered the land it was under water, who afterward settled her sons in it; and thus, from Ham, sprang that race which preserved the curse in the land. Abraham 1:23-24

So Pharaoh was the son of Egyptus, who was the daughter of Ham and his wife Egyptyus, from "that race which preserved the curse in the land."

According to Mormon Scripture, then, black people are doubly cursed: they are the seed of Cain and the seed of Ham. Cursed by God for Cain's murder of Abel and cursed again because Ham saw his father (Noah) drunk and naked.

God darkened their skin and made them slaves, but that wasn't the worst of it. He also excluded them from the Mormon priesthood.

Pharaoh, the eldest son of Egyptus, the daughter of Ham ... Noah ... cursed him as pertaining to the Priesthood ... Pharaoh being of that lineage by which he could not have the right of Priesthood. Abraham 1:26-27

Until he changed his mind in 1978.

26 October 2011

The mark of (Herman) Cain: What Mitt Romney believes about black people

It starts with the book of Genesis.

Remember the story about Adam and Eve, and Cain and Abel? (Genesis 4:1-17)

Adam and Eve have sex, Eve gets pregnant, and Cain ("a man from the Lord") is born.

And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD. Genesis 4:1

In the next verse, another son (Abel) is born.

And she again bare his brother Abel. Genesis 4:2a

Cain becomes a farmer, Abel tends sheep, and each offers a sacrifice to God. Cain gave God the fruit of his crops; Abel killed some firstborn sheep and gave God all the fat. God liked the fat more than the fruit. (How could they tell? Did God eat the fat while they watched?)

Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground. Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD ... Abel ... the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering: But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. Genesis 4:2b-5a

That made Cain mad and sad. So he talked things over with his little brother, Abel.

Then he killed him.

And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.
Cain talked with Abel his brother ... and slew him. Genesis 4:4b-8

God dropped by and asked Cain where his brother was. Cain said, "I don't know. Am I my brother's keeper?"

And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper? Genesis 4:9

God cursed Cain for killing Abel, making him a fugitive and vagabond.

Now art thou cursed ... a fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be in the earth. Genesis 4:11-12

Cain told God that he was worried about people killing him, so God put a mark on Cain warning people not to kill him or vengeance would be taken on them seven times. (What were God and Cain worried about? There were only two other people alive at the time -- Cain's parents.)

Cain said unto the LORD ... every one that findeth me shall slay me. And the LORD said unto him, Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And the LORD set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him. Genesis 4:13-15

Then Cain went off east of Eden in the land of Nod, got married, raised a family, built a city, and did all the things you'd expect a fugitive and vagabond to do on a planet with a total population of 3.

And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden. And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch. Genesis 4:16-17

But what was the mark that God put on Cain? Was it a sign on his forehead saying, "I killed my brother, but don't kill me or God will kill you seven times"? The Bible doesn't say.

Lucky for us and Mitt Romney, Mormon Scripture does! (More or less, anyway.)

There are four books in Mormon Scripture: The Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price. And one of the books in the Pearl of Great Price is the Book of Moses.

Here's what Moses had to say about the seed of Cain.

And Enoch also beheld the residue of the people which were the sons of Adam; and they were a mixture of all the seed of Adam save it was the seed of Cain, for the seed of Cain were black, and had not place among them. Moses 7:22

So Mormon scripture says that the seed of Cain are black and God put a mark on Cain. Someone should ask Mitt Romney if the two things are one and the same.

Maybe it should be (Herman) Cain.

19 October 2011

2 Nephi 10: Wicked Jews, Blessed Gentiles, and a Completely Mormon America (with a Mormon president)

Jacob woke up the next day and started preaching again. He predicted that many Nephite children would "perish in the flesh because of unbelief." But not to worry, God will somehow restore the dead little unbelievers by forcing them to believe -- or something like that.

Many of our children shall perish in the flesh because of unbelief, nevertheless, God will be merciful unto many; and our children shall be restored, that they may come to that which will give them the true knowledge of their Redeemer. 2 Nephi 10:2

And now, for the first time, God reveals the last name of the Redeemer -- Christ.

Christ -- for in the last night the angel spake unto me that this should be his name. 2 Nephi 10:3a

Which is really cool, isn't it? An angel revealed Jesus H. Christ's last name 2600 years before Jesus was born!

(In the 1830 version of the Book of Mormon, Jesus' name is revealed in a bit earlier. 1 Nephi 12:18 read, "...Jesus Christ, which is the Lamb of God, of whom the Holy Ghost beareth record..." The LDS church changed "Jesus Christ" to "Messiah" so the angel wouldn't have to reveal it twice.)

The angel also told Jacob about Jews. They are, he said, the most wicked people on earth. Only Jews would crucify God.

The Jews ... are the more wicked part of the world; and they shall crucify him ... there is none other nation on earth that would crucify their God. For should the mighty miracles be wrought among other nations they would repent, and know that he be their God. 2 Nephi 10:3b-4

And because Jews are so darned evil, God will send them destruction, famines, diseases, and bloodshed. Most will be killed and the rest scattered.

Because of their iniquities, destructions, famines, pestilences, and bloodshed shall come upon them; and they who shall not be destroyed shall be scattered among all nations. 2 Nephi 10:6

But someday the Jews will believe in Jesus and return to Israel. (The prophecy was fulfilled in 1948 when every Jew became Christian and Israel became an independent state.)

When the day cometh that they shall believe in me, that I am Christ ... they shall be restored ... unto the lands of their inheritance. 2 Nephi 10:7

In the meantime, God will make the Gentiles (white, non-Catholic, Christian Americans) great (in the eyes of him, saith he).

The Gentiles shall be great in the eyes of me, saith God. 2 Nephi 10:8

The Gentile kings will be the Nephites' nursing fathers and their queens their nursing mothers. God will bless the Gentiles, while giving the land (America) to the Nephites (Mormons).

The kings of the Gentiles shall be nursing fathers unto them, and their queens shall become nursing mothers ... this land, said God, shall be a land of thine inheritance, and the Gentiles shall be blessed upon the land. 2 Nephi 10:9-10

America will be "a land of liberty" for Gentiles, with no kings allowed. (Not even nursing kings?)

This land shall be a land of liberty unto the Gentiles, and there shall be no kings upon the land. 2 Nephi 10:11

God will fortify this land (America) against all other nations and whoever is against Zion (the Mormon church) is a dead, anti-God, cosmopolitan whore.

I will fortify this land against all other nations. And he that fighteth against Zion shall perish, saith God. 2 Nephi 10:12-13
He that fighteth against Zion, both Jew and Gentile, both bond and free, both male and female, shall perish; for they are they who are the whore of all the earth; for they who are not for me are against me, saith our God. 2 Nephi 10:16

Non-Mormon Americans ("Gentiles") are the new Jews and will be both naughty and nice to Mormons, depending on how God feels at the moment.

I will afflict thy seed by the hand of the Gentiles; nevertheless, I will soften the hearts of the Gentiles, that they shall be like unto a father to them; wherefore, the Gentiles shall be blessed and numbered among the house of Israel. 2 Nephi 10:18

God blessed America and consecrated it to the seed of Nephi (Mormons). The United States is God's favorite country, and someday all Americans will worship him and become Mormons.

I will consecrate this land unto thy seed, and them who shall be numbered among thy seed, forever, for the land of their inheritance; for it is a choice land, saith God unto me, above all other lands, wherefore I will have all men that dwell thereon that they shall worship me, saith God. 2 Nephi 10:19

And make Mitt Romney their president.

14 October 2011

Mitt Romney believes that all non-Mormon sects are an abomination in the sight of God

OK, he didn't actually say that, but that's what he believes -- if he is, as he claims to be, a member of the LDS church.

There can be no doubt about this one. Here's why.

A Mormon believes that all scripture is inspired by God and is, therefore, true. One of the writings in LDS scripture is The Pearl of Great Price, which includes Joseph Smith -- History.

In his "History", Joseph Smith describes a meeting he had when he was 14 years old with God and Jesus. Joseph was confused about the various Christian sects, so he asked God to help him sort it all out. Here's what happened according to Mormon scripture.

Exerting all my powers to call upon God ... I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me. 16

A light, brighter than the sun, fell on Joseph, and two brightly shining men appeared above him in the air. One of them said to him, while pointing at the other shiny guy, "Joseph, this is my beloved son. Hear him!" (Jesus's dad is on the right.)

When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him! 17

Which was really fortunate, since Joseph wanted to find out which of the Christian sects was right. Now that God and his son (Jesus, I'm thinking) had showed up, Joseph could just ask them directly. If anyone would know, they would.

My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. ... Therefore ... I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong)—and which I should join. 18

The more talkative one (Jesus' dad?) told Joseph that he should "join none of them, for they were all wrong" and that "all their creeds were an abomination in his sight."

I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight. 19

So if Mitt Romney is a Mormon, he believes that all non-Mormon Christian beliefs are wrong and an abomination in God's sight.

Either that or he believes that Joseph Smith was just making stuff up when he wrote Mormon scripture.

Someone should ask him which it is.

11 October 2011

Injustice and the Bible: An analysis by book

Here's a plot of the verses that I've highlighted at the SAB that seem unjust (to me, anyway).

Matthew, Revelation, Luke, and Romans have the most injustices in the New Testament; and Jeremiah and Deuteronomy have the most in the Old.

Here's the Injustice Index plot, with the usual definition (highlighted passages / 100 verses).

Some of the smallest books have the largest Injustice Index, since although they only have a few unjust passages, they also have only a few dozen verses. Thus, 2 John, Jude, Titus, 2 Thessalonians, and 2 Peter compete with Revelation for the highest Injustice Index in the New Testament; and Amos, Zephaniah, Malachi, Obadiah, and Micah edge out Deuteronomy for the prize in the Old.

And the log-log plot with the more unjust books identified.