Conservapedia is fixing the Bible (to make it fair and balanced)

This is going to be fun to watch! Conservapedia is doing the Bible the way Fox does the news.

The Conservative Bible Project is completely re-doing the Bible to make it fair and balanced by removing its well-known liberal bias. It's about time someone did that.

Here's an example.

You've probably heard through the liberal media that Jesus said while he was dying on the cross: "Forgive them father, for they no not what they do." Well that is a liberal falsehood. (He actually said, "You're all going to fry forever in Hell for this.") The liberals that created the KJV just added that verse to make Jesus look like fucking hippie.

But they haven't Conservapediaed this verse yet. They've only done Philemon and Mark 1-7 so far. (I guess they started with the New Testament since there's more liberal shit (i.e., good stuff) in there. Heck, they may just leave the Old Testament alone. It's already fair and balanced.

Here are a few verses that they've corrected so far.

KJV:

And when he was alone, they that were about him with the twelve asked of him the parable. And he said unto them, Unto you it is given to know the mystery of the kingdom of God: but unto them that are without, all these things are done in parables: That seeing they may see, and not perceive; and hearing they may hear, and not understand; lest at any time they should be converted, and their sins should be forgiven them. Mark 4:10-12

Conservapedia Version:

Privately a few along with the twelve Apostles asked Jesus about the parable. He said to them, "You have been granted insight into the kingdom of God, but to others the parables contain the mysteries: that they may see but not perceive and hear but not understand; yet should they convert, then their sins shall be forgiven."

I guess sometimes Jesus is just too conservative for Conservapedia. In the KJV, Jesus explains why he speaks in parables: to confuse people so that they won't be converted (and will therefore go to Hell). Conservapedia gives it a new, liberal spin. Jesus talked in parables so that people wouldn't understand, but if they (somehow) convert (after being confused by the parables) their sins will be forgiven.

Here's another one where Jesus is going rogue and needs correction.

KJV:

And he said unto them, Full well ye reject the commandment of God, that ye may keep your own tradition. For Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death. Mark 7:9-10

Conservapedia Version:

Isaiah also told them, 'You turn your backs on the commandment of God, in order to cling to your own customs.' For Moses said, 'Honor your father and mother; and whoever curses his father or mother should receive the death penalty';

Once again, Jesus is just too conservative for Conservapedia. Jesus wouldn't say that the Pharisees should execute children for cursing their parents. (Sarah Palin might, but Jesus wouldn't.) So they blame it on Isaiah instead.

So some passages are too liberal and some are too conservative. But some are just right. Take Mark 4:25, for example.

KJV:

For he that hath, to him shall be given: and he that hath not, from him shall be taken even that which he hath.

Conservapedia Version:

"He who has will be given, while he doesn't will see that little which he has taken from him."

Now that's a fair and balanced verse!

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This is one of those really bad ideas that will die quickly. So see it now because it won't last long. (I suspect that Andy Schlafly and his mom are busy trying to find the least embarrassing way to quietly kill it.)

How long do you think it will last?