13 October 2009

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Divine Guide, Amen

Here's a fun news item from Conservapedia.

Panic sweeps liberals about our Conservative Bible Project. Another newspaper in the increasingly atheistic Canada runs a story about us.[15] Why are liberals who do not read the Bible themselves so opposed to this project?

Well, I can't speak for liberals that don't read the Bible, but I'm a liberal who reads the Bible (way too much) and I absolutely love the Conservative Bible Project (CBP). It's more effective in pouring ridicule and scorn on both conservatives and the Bible than any of my poor efforts at the SAB could ever be.

One of the things that I like most about the CBP is that you can see what the contributors are thinking. Here for example is the discussion on what the hell they should call the Holy Spirit.

First they deal with the Holy Ghost.

Doesn't the term "Holy Ghost" not convey the intended meaning? Since ghost conjures up images of haunted houses and stuff like that. If the idea here is to use terminology that accurately conveys the intended meaning to people of today, then "Spirit" is probably a better word. AddisonDM 22:57, 17 August 2009 (EDT)

But then Andy explains that changing from "Holy Ghost" to "Holy Spirit"

...had the false effect of immobilizing it in the minds of Christians....--Andy Schlafly 23:01, 17 August 2009 (EDT)

(Ghosts move around a lot better than spirits do.)

So the next word they try out is "Force". Here's what Andy says about it.

I've also wondered if there isn't a word better than "ghost" and "spirit". Perhaps something like "wind" but without the nature-worship connotation.-Andy Schlafly 18:01, 18 August 2009 (EDT)

Yeah, those nature-worshiping liberals would like "Holy Wind" too way much. And it might be confused with "Holy Fart".

But Andy knows lots of other words.

Or perhaps a word borrowed from an entirely different context, such as physics: "energy" or "force"? --Andy Schlafly 18:01, 18 August 2009 (EDT)

And he's rapidly converging on the correct, conservative name for the third person of the Trinity.

Coincidentally, I also thought of "force," though it seems almost too mathematical and physics-related. "Breath" is like wind, but sounds too animistic, while "presence" seems as passive as "spirit." I also wondered about "hand," though that muddles the separateness of the Holy Spirit... DouglasA 18:06, 18 August 2009 (EDT)

So "Holy Force" is too sciency, "Holy Breath" is too animistic, and "Holy Presence" is no better than spirit. "Holy Hand" sounds good, but since Jesus and his dad both have hands it could confuse people.

But Andy likes "Holy Force". Here's why.

It takes some getting used to, but I like "Holy Force." The term may appeal even more to teenagers. It may also gain traction with the physics-students-headed-for-atheism crowd. --Andy Schlafly 18:14, 18 August 2009 (EDT)

Yeah, it will sound so cool to "the physics-students-headed-for-atheism crowd"!

But what about the whole "Holy" thing? Couldn't we scrap that too?

P.S. We don't have to be tied down with the first word "Holy". Perhaps "Divine Force" is better still? --Andy Schlafly 18:16, 18 August 2009 (EDT)

And fuck "force". Let's go with "guide".

This is actually very interesting. I like the sound of "Divine Force" but perhaps that undermines the fact that the Holy Spirit is actually a seperate person of the Trinity. "Divine Force" sounds like a Jehovah's Witness or other non-trinitarian way of describing it. Almost something like "Divine Guide" works better, if you're going to completely change the rendering. AddisonDM 19:00, 18 August 2009 (EDT)

How easy wast that? I guess great minds really do think alike. The "Holy Ghost" was converted into a "Divine Guide" just like that. (It was a Holy Hand job.)

All that's left now is to congratulate each other.

Divine Guide" is very nice! I like it.

No translation has yet been based on the wiki approach, or the conservative approach. I think this project has great potential. Already I have learned enormously from this, as I'm sure other participants have.--Andy Schlafly 19:55, 18 August 2009 (EDT)

But Holy Shit! Now some of the guys are having second thoughts!

I think that "Divine Guide" may be too liberal sounding; to me it sound too much like a Navajo spirit or something. ... It's far too nebulous and frankly, new-age.... User:m9999 09:45, 06 October 2009 (EDT)

I'm with m9999. Divine Guide sounds pretty emasculating to me. Wmarshall 18:50, 6 October 2009 (EDT)

"Divine Guide" is liberal sounding and emasculating. Heck, from that name you can't even tell if the Holy Ghost has a penis or not. (He does, by the way. A really big one.)

But Andy likes it, so the Holy Ghost has a new name.

Here's how it sounds in the CBP version of Matthew 28:19.

"So go and make students from all ethnic groups, baptizing them in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Divine Guide,

No wonder liberals are so panicked about the CBP!


liminalD said...

..."Divine Guide" is liberal sounding and emasculating. Heck, from that name you can't even tell if the Holy Ghost has a penis or not. (He does, by the way. A really big one.)...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! This really made my day, I can now go around using "Holy Penis!!" as an exclamation and justify it scripturally :)

Matthew Blanchette said...

Divine Guide? That sounds like a white-robed old mountain man rambling about God talking to him in the middle of the Appalachians...

Prometheus said...

I see that the CBP has reversed the previous changes, Pharisee to Liberals and now back to Pharisee in Mark 2 & 3. I wonder if they are reacting to your critique of their lunacy. This is great fun, better than a TV Sitcom.

TWF said...

This is what God said, but what he really meant was... These guys are a riot.

I can't wait until they change John 3:16 to "for God so loved all of the conservatives..."

Steve Wells said...


Thanks for pointing that out. I hadn't noticed that. But I see that "scribes" are still "intellectual types". I wonder how long it will be before they change that one back. They'll probably revert the whole thing back to the KJV before locking it up taking it down.

I've made a note about the return of the Pharisees at the bottom of the post. Thanks!

Cristiano SamZZ said...


That discussion sounded like a Saturday Night Live sketch! :D

Cristiano SamZZ said...

Huhauha, they've changed again.

"Divine Guide" is too liberal. Now is "Divine Presence". :D

Nathan said...

I kind of agree that "Holy Ghost" sounds silly to modern ears. Then again, a lot of the Bible IS silly, so maybe it's appropriate.

By the way, since when are Navajo spirits liberal?

Wineblack Raven said...

"(It was a Holy Hand job.)"

Almost laughed so hard the people around me at work would have know I'm not really working.

Thomas said...

May the Holy Force be with you!