17 February 2010

Baasha's family and friends

Remember how God made Jeroboam king and then killed his son and the rest of his family because he didn't like something that Jeroboam did? Yeah, well, he's at it again.

This time it's king Baasha that he's is pissed off about. Baasha became king by killing Jeroboam's son and then slaughtered the rest of Jeroboam's family, "according to the saying of the Lord."

Now you'd think that God would thank Baasha for doing his dirty work for him. But if so, you'd be wrong about that. God was angry at Baasha for killing Jeroboam's family, even though he apparently inspired him to do it. God works in really creepy ways.

God made his plans known in the usual way: he sent a prophet (Jehu) to tell Baasha the bad news.
Then the word of the LORD came to Jehu the son of Hanani against Baasha, saying, Forasmuch as I exalted thee out of the dust, and made thee prince over my people Israel; and thou hast walked in the way of Jeroboam, and hast made my people Israel to sin, to provoke me to anger with their sins; Behold, I will take away the posterity of Baasha, and the posterity of his house; and will make thy house like the house of Jeroboam the son of Nebat. Him that dieth of Baasha in the city shall the dogs eat; and him that dieth of his in the fields shall the fowls of the air eat. 1 Kings 16:1-4
Yep, that's right. God will kill everyone in Baasha's family and feed their bodies to the dogs and birds.

But God doesn't do anything to Baasha. He just waits for him to die and then has his family slaughtered to teach him a lesson. (The best way to teach a man a lesson is to kill his family after he dies.)
So Baasha slept with his fathers, and was buried in Tirzah: and Elah his son reigned in his stead. 1 Kings 16:6
After Baasha died, his son Elah was king for two years. Then God got to work on his next mass murder.
One of Elah's captains (Zimri) was selected by God to do the killing. First he killed Elah (while he was "drinking himself drunk") and then all of Baasha's family and friends -- all those that pissed against a wall, anyway.
His servant Zimri, captain of half his chariots, conspired against him, ... drinking himself drunk. ... And Zimri went in and smote him, and killed him ... and reigned in his stead. ...
And it came to pass, when he began to reign, as soon as he sat on his throne, that he slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall, neither of his kinsfolks, nor of his friends. Thus did Zimri destroy all the house of Baasha, according to the word of the LORD, which he spake against Baasha by Jehu the prophet. 1 Kings 16:9-12
So God had all of Baasha's wall-pissing friends and family killed. It doesn't say how many that was, so I'll just guess 20: 10 friends and 10 family members.

Since I'm not having much luck getting apologists to defend God's killings, I thought I'd add a note from one of my favorite Bibles, the Quest Study Bible (QSB). Here's what they say about God's 80th killing. (p. 492)
Why did God punish Baasha? (16:7)
Baasha's violence accomplished God's purpose, but that one act did not make him a servant of God. God held him accountable for his evil intentions, not for inadvertently full fulling God's will. Baasha had wiped out Jeroboam's clan to increase his power base, not to honor God.
[Note that the editors of the QSB don't deny that God wanted Baasha to kill Jeroboam's family. In fact, they clearly believe that the slaughter was a good and noble act. The problem, they say, was Baasha's intention (which, by the way, the Bible says nothing about). If Baasha had of massacred Jeroboam's family to "honor God," it would have been (in their warped minds) a wonderful, virtuous act! You have to have the right intention when you slaughter a family for God.

But because Baasha didn't have the proper intention when performing the mass murder, God was forced to have someone else (Zimri) murder Baasha's family and friends. One holy mass murder leads to another.
But I guess Zimri didn't have the right intention either when he slaughtered Baasha's family and friends, so he burned himself to death because he did "evil in the sight of the LORD." But that's another story.]

God's next killing: Zimri burns to death


busterggi said...

Again the pissing against the wall thing.

Good thing we have trees where i live.

skanksta said...

Steve, can't you email Brucker and tell him how much everyone misses him?

I've been trying some apologetics, but it's just so damn hard to come up with anything convincing.

What about that Robert guy - "I am that believer" (lol) ? Brilliant tho' your blog undoubtedly is, it lacks a little spice without a few deluded nutjobs explaining that this is all in fact divine and holy.

twillight said...

I though pissing is only allowed against your own car's wheels on streets. (those are not walls either)

Steve Wells said...

You had me fooled for a while, skanksta. I thought maybe we had a new believer around here.

But I don't know what happened to the believers. I guess they don't like to think about things that they don't like to think about.

Robert said...


I'm still here ... reading every post. :-) I don't pretend to have answers for the mass genocides, rapes and killings, but I *am* searching and *if* I find a suitable reason for their existence in the Bible, I'll be your next Brucker! If I don't find a suitable reason, I'll be an ex-Christian.

Robert said...

One more thing skanksta, it wouldn't hurt to try to be polite. Name calling just makes you look bad.

skanksta said...


I stand corrected !
Please excuse my abrasive style of discourse - it's easy to forget when you're online that real people with real feelings might be hurt by throwaway remarks. No offence intended by the "deluded nutjob" comment. I DO stand by it - that's how people talk round my way - but I'll try and tone it down in future.

You're a gentlemen for replying.

busterggi said...

Heck Shansta, you oughta read the stuff our sweet Davey used to post here.

skanksta said...

Yeah Buster, I saw some of that - I don't go in for all that "PSYCHOFUCKTARD" nonsense, lol !

The point is Robert, I have no frame of reference for anyone actually BELIEVING in this stuff. In Britain, religion is a bit like homosexuality in the 80s - probably a lot more of them about than you realise, but they're too embarrassed to 'come out' for fear of ridicule or discrimination. I read this blog ONLY because it's funny.

However, I realise that if you grew up
1- thinking god is good + loves you
2- thinking god really exists
3- having god exist 'for you' in a meaningful way

then REALLY READING the ACTUAL TEXT of the holy book this belief is based on must be very upsetting indeed.

The last thing Robert - or any other believer open-minded enough to engage this blog - needs is me glibly insulting him.

It must be horrible confronting this egomaniac wargod - so obviously invented by primitive men with primitive morals.

I imagine it must be akin to catching your dad screwing the neighbours wife or something !

Matthew Blanchette said...

I find it hilarious how the Quest Study Bible tries to justify Zimri's murder of Baasha's entire family, because, really, the whole account just stinks of historical revisionism; in a sense, Zimri saying, "Oh! I slaughtered Baasha and his family because God told me to! What? You ask why I waited so long until after Baasha's death to do so? Heh-heh; the LORD works in mysterious ways! DON'T QUESTION MY AUTHORITY!!! You, get that down..."