David Attenborough on Genesis

The influence of the book of Genesis, which says that the Lord God said to go forth and multiply to Adam and Eve, and that the natural world is there for you to dominate, you have dominion over the animals and plants of the world. And that basic notion, that the world is there for us and that if it doesn't serve our proposes, it is dispensable, that has produced the devastation of vast areas of the world's surface... That is why we are in the situation that we're in. (3:28 - 4:27)

Of course this verse (Genesis 1:28) is marked green in the world's most dishonest book: The Green Bible.

God's Second Killing: Shall I hide from Abraham the thing that I do?

You may have noticed that God, after his first mass murder, showed a bit of remorse for needlessly killing pretty much everything on earth. He even promised to never "smite any more every thing living."

And he kept his promise, too, as far as anyone knows, for another ten chapters or so (a few hundred years maybe). But in the end, God couldn't resist the temptation to kill again.

Abraham tried to talk him out of it, though. He and God and a couple of God's friends had been hanging out all day together. But after eating a big meal and getting his feet washed, God and his friends decided it was time to go. They were heading off toward Sodom (slouching toward Gomorrah) and Abraham decided he'd better tag along.

As they were walking along, God said (to himself?), "Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do?"

How's that for weird? God asks himself if he should tell Abraham what he is about to do (which is, of course, kill everyone in two cities). He doesn't know what to do. Is he afraid that Abe will talk him out of it? Or try to stop him? Or what? Or is he just embarrassed to be having bad thoughts again?

But God finally snaps out of it and tells Abraham what he's up to. He has heard that the people in Sodom have sinned and he's decided to go to Sodom and see for himself.

Abraham was on to him right away. He said, "Wilt thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked?"

God, who is one of his moods, ignores him. So Abe starts to bargain. What if there are 50 good people in Sodom? Would you kill them, too? "Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?"

God says if he can find 50 good citizens of Sodom, he won't kill everybody.

So Abe tries 45, and God says he wouldn't kill everyone if there were 45.

Abe keeps going this way (knowing that God is a tad slow). How about 40? 30? 20? 10? And each time God answers the same way: If God can find a few good men (well ten, anyway), he won't kill the whole city.

And then God just takes off and Abraham goes home. "And the LORD went his way ... and Abraham returned unto his place."

But God's two friends (they're called angels now) keep going to Sodom. Lot invites them in and gives them the usual God treatment (washes their feet and feeds them). Then a strange thing happened. (Strange things often happen in the Bible.) Every man in the city of Sodom came to Lot's house and demanded to have sex with Lot's two angel friends.

The men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter: And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them. Genesis 19:4-5

Man, those must have been some good looking angels!

Lot's response was to protect the angels (who you'd think could take care of themselves!) by offering the sex-crazed mob his two virgin daughters instead.

Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes. Genesis 19:7-8

[This is a man, by the way, whom the Bible calls "just and righteous" in 2 Peter 2:7-8. A few verses later he will get drunk and impregnate both his virgin daughters (see Genesis 19:30-36), but that's another lovely Bible story.]

As it turns out, though, there is no time for Lot to make good on his kind offer because God is getting ready to commit another mass murder. The angels strike the people of Sodom blind, tell Lot, his daughters, and wife to flee, and then all hell breaks loose.

The LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven. Genesis 19:24

Okay, so that's it. That is God's second mass murder.

But how many people did God burn to death in Sodom and Gomorrah? Well, I, of course, have no idea. I don't think any of this actually happened. But those who believe this crap say it was between 600 and 1200.

Since I'm only shooting for order of magnitude type accuracy here, I'll just say 1000.

All the Fat is the Lord's: What the Bible says about Fat People

First of all, it is important to understand that God really likes fat. So I suppose he likes fat people, too. (He's probably overweight himself.)

All the fat is the Lord's.-- Leviticus 3:16

Even God's sword is fat (and bloody).

The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness. -- Isaiah 34:6

God likes fat animals, too. He plans to feed people to to them to make them even fatter.

Thus saith the Lord GOD; Speak unto every feathered fowl, and to every beast of the field ... Ye shall eat the flesh of the mighty, and drink the blood of the princes of the earth ... And ye shall eat fat till ye be full, and drink blood till ye be drunken, of my sacrifice which I have sacrificed for you. -- Ezekiel 39:17-19

God makes the diligent fat. (Lazy people are skinny and poor.)

The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 13:4

God makes liberals fat, too. (I guess religious liberals should be the fattest of all.)

The liberal soul shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 11:25

If you trust God, he will make you fat. (So if you want to lose weight, don't trust him.)

He that putteth his trust in the LORD shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 28:25

Being fat is is sure sign of righteousnous. (Wicked people are skinny and hungry.)

The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree ... they shall be fat. -- Psalm 92:12-14

How to tell the good from the bad: Good people are fat and get plenty to eat; the wicked are the ones who go hungry.

The righteous eateth to the satisfying of his soul: but the belly of the wicked shall want.-- Proverbs 13:25

God's First Killing: All flesh died that moved upon the earth

I've decided to document God's killings, with a separate post for each killing event. I don't think it's ever been done before, which is a damned shame, since God is so proud of them.

You don't believe me? Well, here, I'll let him tell you directly.

I kill ... I wound ... I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. -- Deuteronomy 32:39-42

And, boy, does he ever! He is a killing machine.

In previous posts, I've tried to count all of God's victims: those that are numbered, those that are not, and those that he plans to do in the (near?) future. I expect that the numbers will change a bit as I go along; with such a prolific killer, it's hard to count them all. But I'll give it a try. Let me know if I miss any.

Okay, let's get started!

God's first killing is hard to beat. He killed everything. Here's how he described it.

And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them. Genesis 6:7

And, behold, I, even I, do bring a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all flesh, wherein is the breath of life, from under heaven; and every thing that is in the earth shall die. Genesis 6:17

Every living substance that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth. Genesis 7:4

And all flesh died that moved upon the earth, both of fowl, and of cattle, and of beast, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth, and every man: All in whose nostrils was the breath of life, of all that was in the dry land, died. And every living substance was destroyed which was upon the face of the ground, both man, and cattle, and the creeping things, and the fowl of the heaven; and they were destroyed from the earth: and Noah only remained alive, and they that were with him in the ark. Genesis 7:21-23

So the killing contest is over. God, in his very first killing, wins the prize. The guy who killed everything "on the face of the earth" is the world's top killer. He beats Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Ghengis Khan. All those guys. Maybe not in terms of the number killed, but certainly in percentage. You just can't beat 100%.

Of course, God had his reasons.

And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the LORD that he had made man. Genesis 6:5

The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence. And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth. ... The earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth. Genesis 6:11-13

Humans were wicked, they had bad thoughts, and the whole earth was violent and corrupt. So what's a good God to do?

Well, you might think he'd start a school to teach people how to behave, have them go to counseling, get them interested in other stuff -- like baseball or something. Anything to get their minds off their bad thoughts.

But no. God decided to drown them all. It was the best he could think of at the time. (He was having bad thoughts.)

The whole earth was filled with violence, so God killed everything on earth. (At least he found a nonviolent solution to the problem.)

But still, I don't quite get it. Did God drown the animals because they were too violent? Didn't he make them that way in the first place -- either at creation or after the fall of Adam? Maybe there's a believer out there who can explain this to me.

But here is the excuse that I like the best:

And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the LORD that he had made man. Genesis 6:5

And here's what God says after he finishes the job and smells the burning flesh of Noah's sacrifice.

And the LORD smelled a sweet savour; and the LORD said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man's sake; for the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth ; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done. Genesis 8:21

God regrets making humans because they have bad thoughts. So he kills them all. Then he regrets killing them because they (still) have bad thoughts. (At least he fixed the problem!)

The mind of God is a frightening thing.

Okay so God drowned every person on earth except for Noah and his family. How many would that be?

Well, the flood was supposed to have happened about 2400 BCE, and the human population was somewhere around 30 million at the time. So we'll say God killed 30 million in the flood.

Not a bad start for a serial killer.

Swear not at all: Obama, the Bible, and the second oath of office

Since some of the words were flubbed a bit the first time around, Obama took the oath of office a second time. This time without a bible.

Which is as it should be, for two reasons:

1. The Bible is not required by the constitution. In fact, it would be unconstitutional for Chief Justice Roberts to insist, or even suggest, that Obama use a Bible in the ceremony. That would imply a religious test for office, which is disallowed by Article VI, section 3.

2. A Christian who believes in the Bible shouldn't swear on one.

The Bible, of course, is worse than useless when it comes to consistent advice on morality. But the New Testament (to avoid confusion, ignore the Old Testament on this one) is pretty clear about one thing: Christians shouldn't swear. Not to God and not on the Bible or on anything else.

Here's what Jesus (supposedly) said about it:

But I say unto you, swear not at all; neither by heaven for it is God's throne; Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King. Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black. But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. Matthew 5:34-37

And the Book of James condemns swearing "above all things." I guess that would make it the worst possible sin.

But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation. James 5:12

It always seemed strange to me to swear on a book that is filled with lies.

I'm glad Obama got it right the second time around (except for the "So help me God" bullshit).

The time has come to set aside childish things (and become a nation of nonbelievers)

...in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things.
...
We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers.
-- from Barack Obama's inaugural speech

Obama's speech yesterday was the first inaugural address to acknowledge the existence of nonbelievers.

Of course, it wasn't all sunshine and light.

There was Rick Warren's "Oh God, you are so big" - "It all belongs to you" - "History is your story" - bullshit prayer to Jebus. There was the "So help me God" phrase in the of the oath of office, contrary to the constitution. And there was the usual "God bless America" crap at the end.

Still, it was a great speech. I even liked Obama's use of scripture: 1 Corinthians 13:11

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

The time has indeed come to set aside childish things (like believing stupid things that are contrary to all existing evidence) and become a nation of nonbelievers.

How many animals has God killed?

And the Spirit of God came upon Saul ... And he took a yoke of oxen, and hewed them in pieces, and sent them throughout all the coasts of Israel by the hands of messengers. 1 Samuel 11:6-7

Too many to count, that's for sure.

How many animals did God drown in the flood? How many were sacrificed to him just so he could smell the sweet savor of their burning flesh?

Not even God knows that. He lost count long ago.

So I'll just list the times that God killed or commanded others to kill animals. (I wonder how many of these passages are marked green in the world's most dishonest book: The Green Bible*.)

1. Abel's offering: The first God-approved animal sacrifice

   And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering. (Genesis 4:4)

2. The flood of Noah: God kills every animal except those in the ark (because "The earth was filled with violence.")

   And all flesh died that moved upon the earth ... All in whose nostrils was the breath of life ... they were destroyed from the earth. (Genesis 7:21-23)

3. After God drowns all the animals except for those in the ark, Noah killed and sacrificed to God one of every surviving "clean" animal species. "And the Lord smelled a sweet savour." (This shows God's concern for endangered species.)

   And Noah builded an altar unto the LORD; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar. And the LORD smelled a sweet savour. (Genesis 8:20-21)

4. God has Abram kill some animals for him: A cow, goat, ram, dove, and pigeon.

   Take me an heifer of three years old, and a she goat of three years old, and a ram of three years old, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon. And he took unto him all these, and divided them in the midst. (Genesis 15:9)

5. God told Abraham to kill his son, but at the last moment, he changed his mind and told Abe to kill a ram for him instead.

   Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt offering in the stead of his son. (Genesis 22:10-13)

6. To impress the Pharaoh, God turns the Nile into blood, killing all the fish. (It didn't work. The magicians of Egypt knew this trick, too.)

   And the fish that is in the river shall die, and the river shall stink; and the Egyptians shall lothe to drink of the water of the river ... And the fish that was in the river died. (Exodus 7:18-21)

7. God kills all the cattle, horses, asses, camels, oxen, and sheep in Egypt.

   the hand of the LORD is upon thy cattle which is in the field, upon the horses, upon the asses, upon the camels, upon the oxen, and upon the sheep: there shall be a very grievous murrain ... And the LORD did that thing on the morrow, and all the cattle of Egypt died. (Exodus 9:3-6)

8. God kills the (already dead) beasts of Egypt by smashing them with hail.

   And the hail smote throughout all the land of Egypt all that was in the field, both man and beast. (Exodus 9:25)

9. God kills all the firstborn (twice-dead) Egyptian cattle. (I don't know how God figured out which were firstborn, but, hey, that's why he's God, right?)

   at midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle. (Exodus 12:29)

10. God drowns more than 600 horses.

    And he took six hundred chosen chariots, and all the chariots of Egypt ... For the horse of Pharaoh went in with his chariots and with his horsemen into the sea, and the LORD brought again the waters of the sea upon them. (Exodus 14:7; 15:1, 19)

11. "And Moses took the blood, and sprinkled it on the people."

    [Moses] offered burnt offerings, and sacrificed peace offerings of oxen unto the LORD. And Moses took half of the blood, and put it in basons; and half of the blood he sprinkled on the altar ... And Moses took the blood, and sprinkled it on the people. (Exodus 24:5)

12. Moses kills a bullock for God

    Aaron and his sons laid their hands upon the head of the bullock for the sin offering. And he slew it; and Moses took the blood, and put it upon the horns of the altar round about with his finger. (Leviticus 8:14-15)

13. Aaron kills a ram "and Moses sprinkled the blood upon the altar round about."

    Aaron and his sons laid their hands upon the head of the ram. And he killed it; and Moses sprinkled the blood upon the altar round about. And he cut the ram into pieces; and Moses burnt the head, and the pieces, and the fat. (Leviticus 8:18-21)

14. Aaron kills another ram and "Moses took of the blood of it, and put it upon the tip of Aaron's right ear, and upon the thumb of his right hand, and upon the great toe of his right foot."

    Aaron and his sons laid their hands upon the head of the ram. And he slew it,; and Moses took of the blood of it, and put it upon the tip of Aaron's right ear, and upon the thumb of his right hand, and upon the great toe of his right foot. And he brought Aaron's sons, and Moses put of the blood upon the tip of their right ear, and upon the thumbs of their right hands, and upon the great toes of their right feet: and Moses sprinkled the blood upon the altar round about. (Leviticus 8:22-24)

15. Aaron kills a calf for a sin offering "and he dipped his finger in the blood."

    Aaron ... slew the calf of the sin offering ... And the sons of Aaron brought the blood unto him: and he dipped his finger in the blood, and put it upon the horns of the altar, and poured out the blood at the bottom of the altar: (Leviticus 9:8-9)

16. Aaron kills the burnt offering "and Aaron's sons presented unto him the blood, which he sprinkled round about upon the altar."

    And he slew the burnt offering; and Aaron's sons presented unto him the blood, which he sprinkled round about upon the altar. (Leviticus 9:12-14)

17. Aaron kills a bullock for a wave offering. "And the breasts and the right shoulder Aaron waved for a wave offering before the LORD."

    He slew also the bullock and the ram for a sacrifice of peace offerings, which was for the people: and Aaron's sons presented unto him the blood, which he sprinkled upon the altar round about ... And the breasts and the right shoulder Aaron waved for a wave offering before the LORD; as Moses commanded. (Leviticus 9:18-21)

18. Killing more animals to satisfy a blood-thirsty god.

    He shall bring two turtles, or two young pigeons, to the priest ... and the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering. (Numbers 6:10-20)

19. When Moses set up the tabernacle, each of the twelve tribes kills a bullock, lamb, ram, and a kid, two oxen, and five rams, goats, and lambs for God, for a grand total of 240 animal sacrifices. (Numbers 7:15-88)

20. The Levites shall lay their hands upon the heads of the bullocks: and thou shalt offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering." (Numbers 8:8-12)

21. God commands Joshua to kill every animal in Jericho (because they are "accursed" to the Lord.)

    And the city shall be accursed, even it, and all that are therein, to the LORD. ... And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. (Joshua 6:17-21)

22. God tells the Israelites to stone and burn to death Achan's animals (along with Achan and his family, of course).

    And Joshua, and all Israel with him, took Achan ... and his sons, and his daughters, and his oxen, and his asses, and his sheep ... And Joshua said, Why hast thou troubled us? the LORD shall trouble thee this day. And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones. (Joshua 7:24-25)

23. More burned offerings to the Lord.

    As Moses the servant of the LORD commanded ... they offered thereon burnt offerings unto the LORD, and sacrificed peace offerings. (Joshua 8:31)

24. The spitit of the Lord came on Samson (and he killed a lion).

    Then went Samson down ... and, behold, a young lion roared against him. And the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him, and he rent him as he would have rent a kid. (Judges14:5-8)

25. The Spirit of God comes on Saul (and he hacks a yoke of oxen to death and sends the pieces throughout Israel).

    And the Spirit of God came upon Saul ... And he took a yoke of oxen, and hewed them in pieces, and sent them throughout all the coasts of Israel by the hands of messengers.(1 Samuel 11:6-7)

26. God was angry at Saul for not killing all the Amalekite animals. Saul killed all the people (except Agag), but he kept some of their animals. Because he didn't kill everything, God repented of choosing him for king. (So he made David king instead. David liked to kill things.)

    Thus saith the LORD of hosts ... Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. ... And Saul smote the Amalekites ... Andand utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword ... But Saul and the people spared Agag, and the best of the sheep, and of the oxen, and of the fatlings, and the lambs ... but every thing that was vile and refuse, that they destroyed utterly. ... Then came the word of the LORD unto Samuel, saying, It repenteth me that I have set up Saul to be king: for he is turned back from following me, and hath not performed my commandments. (1 Samuel 15:2-19)

27. When dedicating the temple, Solomon killed so many animals that it was impossible to number them. (Not even God knows how many animals were killed.)

    King Solomon, and all the congregation of Israel, that were assembled unto him, were with him before the ark, sacrificing sheep and oxen, that could not be told nor numbered for multitude.(1 Kings 8:5)

28. Just kidding -- God knows. It was 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep.

    And Solomon offered a sacrifice of peace offerings, which he offered unto the LORD, two and twenty thousand oxen, and an hundred and twenty thousand sheep. (1 Kings 8:63, 2 Chronicles 7:5)

29. To make God happy, the Israelites killed 700 oxen and 7,000 sheep (and all the non-believers).

    And they offered unto the LORD the same time, of the spoil which they had brought, seven hundred oxen and seven thousand sheep. ... That whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.(2 Chronicles 15:11-13)

30. Seven bullocks, seven rams, seven lambs, and seven he-goats were killed, and their blood sprinkled around. Then the carcasses were burned and they sang "the song of the Lord."

    And they brought seven bullocks, and seven rams, and seven lambs, and seven he goats, for a sin offering ... So they killed the bullocks, and the priests received the blood, and sprinkled it on the altar: likewise, when they had killed the rams, they sprinkled the blood upon the altar: they killed also the lambs, and they sprinkled the blood upon the altar. And they brought forth the he goats for the sin offering ... And the priests killed them, and they made reconciliation with their blood upon the altar, to make an atonement for all Israel: for the king commanded that the burnt offering and the sin offering should be made for all Israel. ... And when the burnt offering began, the song of the LORD began.(2 Chronicles 29:21-27)

31. God and Satan not only killed Job's 10 children, they also killed his servants (I need to revise their kill numbers!) and burned to death his sheep.

    While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The fire of God is fallen from heaven, and hath burned up the sheep, and the servants, and consumed them (Job 1:16)

32. Jesus drowns a herd of devil-possessed pigs.

    And when he was come to the other side into the country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed with devils, coming out of the tombs ... And, behold, they cried out, saying, What have we to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God? ... And there was a good way off from them an herd of many swine feeding. So the devils besought him, saying, If thou cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine. And he said unto them, Go. And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine: and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters. (Matthew 8:28-32)

33. Jesus drowns 2000 pigs, after driving them out of a possessed man. (Notice that the other story says there were 2 men. So I guess Jesus must have done this nasty trick twice -- or maybe the stories were just made up.)

    And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit ... And cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? ... And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine ... And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand;) and were choked in the sea. (Mark 5:2-13)

---

* I went back to the library to check on this. It turns out that 5 of the passages on the list are marked green in the Green Bible. Here they are, along with their comment for each.

1. Green Bible: "The stability of creation"

   (God drowned his creation and Noah sacrificed some of the few animals that survived; this shows how much God values the stability of his creation?)

   And Noah builded an altar unto the LORD; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar. And the LORD smelled a sweet savour. (Genesis 8:20-21)

2. Green Bible: "Polluted river was a plague of Egypt."

   (Yes, but who sent the plague? This should be marked red, not green.)

   And the fish that is in the river shall die, and the river shall stink; and the Egyptians shall lothe to drink of the water of the river ... And the fish that was in the river died. (Exodus 7:18-21)

3. Green Bible: "The fifth plague: livestock diseased"

   (God killed all the horses, asses, camels, oxen, and sheep. What excuse could there be for marking this green?)

   the hand of the LORD is upon thy cattle which is in the field, upon the horses, upon the asses, upon the camels, upon the oxen, and upon the sheep: there shall be a very grievous murrain ... And the LORD did that thing on the morrow, and all the cattle of Egypt died. (Exodus 9:3-6)

4. Green Bible: "The seventh plague: thunder and lightening"

   (God smashes animals and people with hail. This shows his concern for the environment?)

   And the hail smote throughout all the land of Egypt all that was in the field, both man and beast. (Exodus 9:25)

5. Green Bible: "Jesus sends demons into a herd of swine."

   (Yes he did. Kind of nasty, don't you think? I guess it was marked green because it had pigs and water in it.)

   And when he was come to the other side into the country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed with devils, coming out of the tombs ... And, behold, they cried out, saying, What have we to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God? ... And there was a good way off from them an herd of many swine feeding. So the devils besought him, saying, If thou cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine. And he said unto them, Go. And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine: and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters. (Matthew 8:28-32)

Which is more violent, the Bible or the Quran?

(Repost with updated numbers and graphs)

The LORD is a man of war. Exodus 15:3

Fight in the way of Allah. Quran 2:244

Which is more violent, the Bible or the Quran? Is there a way to objectively answer such a question?

Well, it wouldn't be easy. But it is possible to compare the amount of cruelty and violence in the two books.

Here is a summary of the highlighted verses in the SAB and SAQ.

	Number of Cruel or Violent Passages
Bible	907
Quran	520

So the Bible has more cruel or violent passages than the Quran. But the Bible is a much bigger book. How do they compare when size is taken into account?

	Violence and Cruelty	Total verses	Percent
Bible	907	31173	2.91
Quran	520	6236	8.34

When expressed as a percentage of cruel or violent verses (at least as marked in the SAB/Q), the Quran has nearly three times that of the Bible. (8.34 vs. 2.91%)

Of course this analysis does not consider the extent of the cruelty in the marked passages. And that is an important consideration. Is Numbers 31:14-18, for example, more cruel than Quran 5:34? That is something that each person must decide.

A good argument could be made that either book is the most violent and cruel book ever written. The award would go to one or the other, for neither has any close competitors.

It is frightening to think that more than half of the world's population believes in one or the other.

How does God kill people? Let me count the ways.

And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died. -- Numbers 21:6

When it comes to killing people, God has quite an imagination.

Here's a summary of the many ways God killed people in the Bible. (Numbers in parentheses are the number of killing events, not the number of people killed. My very rough estimate of the total number of people killed by God is 33 million.)

1. The edge of the sword: God-assisted genocides and massacres (32)

   Okay, it's gets a bit boring reading the same words over and over again.

   And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people. And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain. Deuteronomy 2:23-24

   And thou shalt consume all the people which the LORD thy God shall deliver thee; thine eye shall have no pity upon them. Deuteronomy 7:16

   And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. Joshua 6:21

   But if you are going to read the Bible, then you have to get used to it. There are 32 separate God-assisted massacres and genocides that are recorded in the Bible. And God is proud of every one of them. (See The Bible's top 10 massacres for some details.)

   Here is a list of the massacres.

   1. God and Moses help Joshua kill the Amalekites (Exodus 17:3)

   2. "The LORD ... delivered up the Canaanites; and they utterly destroyed them and their cities." (Numbers 21:1-3)

   3. Bashanites: " I have delivered him into thy hand, and all his people ... So they smote him, and his sons, and all his people, until there was none left him alive." (Numbers 21:34-35)

   4. Midianites: "And they warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males ... And Moses was wroth with the officers ... And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive? ... Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. (Numbers 31:1-35)

   5. Anakim: "A people great, and many, and tall, as the Anakims; but the LORD destroyed them." (Deuteronomy 2:21-22)

   6. Heshbonites: "And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people. And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain." (Deuteronomy 2:33-34)

   7. Bashanites (again): "So the LORD our God delivered into our hands ... and we smote him until none was left to him remaining.... threescore cities ... And we utterly destroyed them ... utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city. (Deuteronomy 3:3-6)

   8. Jericho: "And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword." (Joshua 6:21)

   9. Ai: "Joshua drew not his hand back, wherewith he stretched out the spear, until he had utterly destroyed all the inhabitants of Ai." (Joshua 8:1-25)

   10. 7 cities: "So Joshua ... left none remaining, but utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the LORD God of Israel commanded." (Joshua 10:28-42)

   11. Hazorites: And they smote all the souls that were therein with the edge of the sword, utterly destroying them: there was not any left to breathe: and he burnt Hazor with fire. (Joshua 11:8-12)

   12. Anakim: "Joshua destroyed them utterly with their cities." (Joshua 11:20-21)

   13. Canaanites and Perizzites: "and the LORD delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites into their hand ... and they slew the Canaanites and the Perizzites." (Judges 1:4)

   14. Moabites: "For the LORD hath delivered your enemies the Moabites into your hand ... And they slew of Moab at that time about ten thousand men, all lusty, and all men of valour; and there escaped not a man." (Judges 3:28-29)

   15. Canaanites: "And the LORD discomfited Sisera, and all his chariots, and all his host, with the edge of the sword ... and there was not a man left." (Judges 4:14)

   16. Ammonites: So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon ... and the LORD delivered them into his hands ... And he smote them ... with a very great slaughter." (Judges 11:32-33)

   17. "And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he ... slew thirty men." (Judges 14:19)

   18. Benjamites: "And the LORD smote Benjamin before Israel: and the children of Israel destroyed of the Benjamites that day twenty and five thousand and an hundred men:" (Judges 20:35-37)

   19. More Benjamites: "And the men of Israel turned again upon the children of Benjamin, and smote them with the edge of the sword, as well the men of every city, as the beast, and all that came to hand: also they set on fire all the cities that they came to." (Judges 20:44-16)

   20. God delivered the Philistines to Jonathan: "the LORD hath delivered them ... And that first slaughter, which Jonathan and his armourbearer made, was about twenty men, within as it were an half acre of land. (1 Samuel 14:12)

   21. God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite man, woman, and child (1 Samuel 15:2-3)

   22. God delivers the Philistines: I will deliver the Philistines into thine hand ... So David ... fought with the Philistines ... and smote them with a great slaughter." (1 Samuel 23:2-5)

   23. God delivers the Philistines to David: "And David enquired of the LORD, saying, Shall I go up to the Philistines? wilt thou deliver them into mine hand? And the LORD said unto David, Go up: for I will doubtless deliver the Philistines into thine hand." (2 Samuel 5:19, 25)

   24. Baasha killed everyone in the house of Jeroboam "according to the saying of the Lord." (1 Kings 15:29)

   25. Zimri killed everyone in the house of Baasha "according to the word of the Lord." (1 Kings 16:11-12)

   26. Religious leaders killed in a prayer contest (1 Kings 18:22-40)

   27. God delivers the Syrians into the Israelites' hands (1 Kings 20:28-29)

   28. Jehu killed "all that remained unto Ahab in Samaria ... according to the saying of the Lord"(2 Kings 10:16-17)

   29. God delivers Israel into the hands of Judah (2 Chronicles 13:15-17)

   30. "The Lord smote the Ethiopians." (2 Chronicles 14:9-14)

   31. Judean soldiers killed for forsaking God (2 Chronicles 28:6)

   32. God delivered the Israelites into the hand of the Chaldeans. (2 Chronicles 36:16-17)

2. Burning people to death (5)

   Most people that I know are opposed to this sort of thing, but it's one of God's favorite ways to kill people. He did it himself (or commanded others to do it for him) 5 times in the Bible.
   (See Is it wrong to burn people to death? for more on this.)

   1. Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19:24)

   2. Aaron's sons for offering strange fire before the Lord (Leviticus 10:1-3; Numbers 3:3:4, 26:61)

   3. An unknown number for complaining (Numbers 11:1)

   4. For offering incense without a license (Numbers 16:35)

   5. For worshiping the wrong god (2 Kings 1:9-12)

3. Lions and serpents and bears, Oh my! (5)

   Remember how the Romans used to kill Christians by throwing them to the lions? Well, God thought of it first!

   1. A lion is sent by God to kill a prophet for believing another prophet's lie (1 Kings 13:1-24)

   2. God sent lions to kill a man for not killing a prophet (1 Kings 20:35-36)

   3. And he sent lions to kill some foreigners for not fearing him enough (2 Kings 17:25-26)

   4. Sometimes God made special creatures to kill people on special occasions. Like the time he sent fiery serpents (maybe even flying, fiery serpents!) to bite and kill people for complaining about the lack of food and water. (Numbers 21:6)

   5. And then there were the bears. God sent two bears to kill 42 boys for making fun of Elisha's bald head. (2 Kings 2:23-24)

4. Plagues (5).

   What would God be without his plagues? They became his trademark after the ten plagues of Egypt. But he didn't use them as often as you might think. I can only find 5 times that God used plagues to kill people.

   1. God sent "a very great plague" for complaining about the food. (Numbers 11:33)

   2. For murmuring (Numbers 14:35-36)

   3. For complaining (Numbers 16:49)

   4. For "committing whoredom with the daughters of Moab" (Numbers 25:9)

   5. To punish David for his census (2 Samuel 24:15, 1 Chronicles 21:14)

5. Forcing people to kill each other (3).

   I'm not talking about war here. Yes, God often inspired or forced people to kill each other in war (see the 32 massacres above). But that's not what this is about. In this method God forces friends, family, and community members to kill each other.

   1. For dancing naked around Aaron's golden calf (Exodus 32:27-28, 35)

   2. Midianites soldiers (Judges 7:22, 8:10)

   3. Philistine soldiers forced to kill each other (1 Samuel 14:20)

6. Drowning (2)

   1. The big one -- the flood of Noah (Genesis 7:23)

   2. The drowning of the Egyptian army (Exodus 14:27-28)

7. Hailstones (2)

   1. God chases the Amorites along the way, throwing hailstones at them (Joshua 10:11)

   2. The seventh Egyptian plague -- fiery hailstones killing man and beast (Exodus 9:25)

8. Stoned to death (2)

   1. For blasphemy (Leviticus 24:10)

   2. For picking up sticks on the Sabbath (Numbers 15:32)

9. Famine (2)

   1. A three year famine for something Saul did (2 Samuel 21:1:)

   2. A seven year famine for God knows what (2 Kings 8:1)

10. Eaten by worms

    Herod for not giving God enough glory (Acts 12:23)

11. Buried alive

    Korah, Dathan, and Abiram (and their families) for criticizing Moses (Numbers 16:27)

12. Burned and stoned to death

    Achan (and his his sons and daughters) for taking the accursed thing (Joshua 7:10-12, 24-26)

13. Falling wall

    God makes a wall fall on Syrian soldiers killing 27,000 (1 Kings 20:30)
    (It was a very big wall. After the wall fell, they built a new one and put up a sign, "Watch out for falling wall". It hasn't happened since.)
    

14. Hacked to pieces before the Lord

    Samuel hacks Agag to pieces before the Lord (1 Samuel 15:32-33)

15. Hanged before the Lord

    The seven sons of Saul (2 Samuel 21:6-9)

16. Killed with the jawbone of an ass

    Samson kills 1000 Philistines with the jawbone of an ass (Judges 15:14-15)

17. Killed and hung on a tree

    Joshua kills 5 kings hand hangs their dead bodies on trees (Joshua 10:24-26)

18. Killed by an angel

    Sleeping Assyrian soldiers (2 Kings 19:35, Isaiah 37:36)
    ("When they arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead corpses.")

19. Forced to committed suicide

    Saul because he didn't inquire of the Lord (1 Chronicles 10:4-6, 13-14)

20. A message from God (knife in the belly)

    Ehud gets the message (Judges 3:15-22)

21. Bowels fell out

    God kills Jehoram by making his bowels fall out (2 Chronicles 21:14-19)

22. Thrown off a wall and trampled to death

    Jezebel (2 Kings 9:33-37)
    ("And the carcase of Jezebel shall be as dung upon the face of the field.")

23. Trampled to death

    For not believing Elisha (2 Kings 7:17-20)

24. God-inspired act of terrorism

    Samson's suicide attack (Judges 16:27-30)

25. Turned into a pillar of salt

    Lot's wife for looking back (Genesis 19:26)

26. Scared to death

    Ananias and Sapphira for not giving all their money to Peter (Acts 5:1-10)

27. Unknown methods: "The Lord smote them." (10)

    1. Er for being "wicked in the sight of the Lord" (Genesis 38:1, 1 Chronicles 2:3)

    2. Onan for spilling his seed (Genesis 38:10)

    3. Every Egyptian firstborn child (Exodus 12:29-30)

    4. For looking into the ark of the Lord (1 Samuel 6:9)

    5. Nabal so that David could marry his wife (1 Samuel 25:38)

    6. Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling (2 Samuel 6:6-7, 1 Chronicles 13:9-10)

    7. David and Bathsheba's baby boy(2 Samuel 12:14-18)

    8. Jeroboam (2 Chronicles 13:20)

    9. Ahaziah for talking to the wrong God (2 Kings 1:2-4, 2 Chronicles 22:7-9)

    10. Ezekiel's wife just for the heck of it (Ezekiel 24:15-18)

Here's a handy chart you can put on your wall.

How many has God killed? (complete list and estimated total)

I kill ... I wound ... I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. -- Deuteronomy 32:39-42

In a previous post, I've listed and counted God's killings in the Bible. But I only included those that said exactly how many were killed by God. I came up with 2,301,417.

But that didn't include some of God's most impressive slaughters. How many did God drown in the flood or burn to death in Sodom and Gomorrah? How many first-born Egyptians did he kill? The Bible doesn't say, so there's no way to know for sure. But it's possible to provide rough estimates in order to get a grand total, and that's what I'm attempting here. (New total: 35 million.)

		Verse	Number killed	Cumulative total
1	God drowns everyone of earth (except Noah and his family)	Genesis 7:23	30,000,000?	30,000,000
2	God rains fire and brimstone on Sodom and Gomorrah, killing everyone.	Genesis 19:24	1,000?	30,001,000
3	Lot's wife for looking back	Genesis 19:26	1	30,001,001
4	Er who was "wicked in the sight of the Lord"	Genesis 38:7, 1 Chronicles 2:3	1	30,001,002
5	Onan for spilling his seed	Genesis 38:10	1	30,001,003
6	A 7 year, world-wide famine	Genesis 41:25-54	70,000 ?	30,071,003
7	7th Egyptian Plague: Hail	Exodus 9:25	300,000?	30,371,003
8	God kills every Egyptian firstborn child.	Exodus 12:29-30	1,000,000?	31,371,003
9	God drowns Egyptian army	Exodus 14:8-26	5000?	31,376,003
10	God and Moses help Joshua kill the Amalekites	Exodus 17:13	1000?	31,377,003
11	Israelites for dancing naked around Aaron's golden calf	Exodus 32:27-28, 35	3000	31,380,003
12	God plagued the people because of the calf that Aaron made	Exodus 32:35	1000	31,381,003
13	Aaron's sons for offering strange fire before the Lord	Leviticus 10:1-3; Numbers 3:4, 26:61	2	31,381,005
14	A blasphemer	Leviticus 24:10-23	1	31,381,006
15	God burned people to death for complaining	Numbers 11:1	100?	31,381,106
16	God sent "a very great plague" for complaining about the food.	Numbers 11:33	10,000?	31,391,106
17	God killed ten scouts with a plague.	Numbers 14:35-36	10	31,391,116
18	A man who gathered firewood on the sabbath	Numbers 15:32-36	1	31,391,117
19	Korah, Dathan, and Abiram (and their families)	Numbers 16:27	12	31,391,129
20	Burned to death for offering incense	Numbers 16:35	250	31,391,379
21	For complaining	Numbers 16:49	14,700	31,406,079
22	Massacre of the Aradites	Numbers 21:1-3	3,000?	31,409,079
23	For complaining about the lack of food and water, God sent fiery serpents to bite the people, and many of them died.	Numbers 21:6	100?	31,409,179
24	God delivers the Bashanites into Moses' hands and Moses kills everyone "until there was none left alive."	Numbers 21:34-35	2,000?	31,411,179
25	Phinehas impales a mixed-race couple having sex	Numbers 25:6-8	2	31,411,181
26	Israelites for "committing whoredom with the daughters of Moab"	Numbers 25:9	24,000	31,435,181
27	Midianite massacre (32,000 virgins were kept alive)	Numbers 31:1-35	200,000	31,635,181
28	God kills the entire Israelite army	Deuteronomy 2:14-16	500,000	32,135,181
29	The slaughter of the Zamzummim, Horim, Avim, and the Caphtorim	Deuteronomy 2:21-22	10,000?	32,145,181
30	God hardened the king of Heshbon's heart so that the Israelites could massacre his people. (included several cities)	Deuteronomy 2:33-34	3,000?	32,148,181
31	All the men, women, and children in 60 cities	Deuteronomy 3:3-6	60,000?	32,208,181
32	Massacre of Jericho	Joshua 6:21	1,000?	32,209,181
33	Achan (and his his sons and daughters) for taking the accursed thing	Joshua 7:10-12, 24-26	5	32,209,186
34	The Ai Massacre	Joshua 8:1-25	12,000	32,221,186
35	God slaughters the Amorites and even chases them "along the way" as they try to escape.	Joshua 10:10-11	5,000?	32,226,186
36	Joshua kills 5 kings and hangs their dead bodies on trees	Joshua 10:24-26	5	32,226,191
37	Massacre of 7 kingdoms	Joshua 10:28-42	7,000?	32,233,191
38	The remining kingdoms	Joshua 11:8-12	10,000?	32,243,191
39	Massacre of the Anakim	Joshua 11:20-21	5,000?	32,248,191
40	God delivers the Canaanites and Perizzites	Judges 1:4	10,000?	32,258,191
41	The Jerusalem Massacre	Judges 1:8	1000	32,259,191
42	Ten Massacres, a wedding, and some God-proof iron chariots	Judges 1:9-25	10,000	32,269,191
43	The LORD delivered Chushanrishathaim	Judges 3:7-10	1000	32,270,191
44	Ehud delivers a message from God: a knife in the belly	Judges 3:15-22	1	32,270,192
45	God delivers 10,000 Moabites	Judges 3:28-29	10,000	32,280,192
46	Barak and God Massacre the Canaanites	Judges 4:14	1,000?	32,281,192
47	Jael pounds a tent stake through a sleeping man's head	Judges 4:18-25	1	32,281,193
48	God forces Midianite soldiers to kill each other	Judges 7:22, 8:10	120,000	32,401,193
49	A city is massacred and 1000 burn to death because of God's evil spirit	Judges 9:23-57	2001	32,403,194
50	The Ammonite massacre and Jephthah's daughter	Judges 11:32-33	20,001	32,423,195
51	The spirit of the Lord comes on Samson and he murders 30 men for their clothes	Judges 14:19	30	32,423,225
52	The Spirit of the Lord comes upon Samson and he kills 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass	Judges 15:14-15	1,000	32,424,225
53	Samson's God-assisted act of terrorism	Judges 16:27-30	3,000	32,427,225
54	"The Lord smote Benjamin"	Judges 20:35-37	25,100	32,452,325
55	God smites more Benjamites	Judges 20:44-46	25,000	32,477,325
56	For looking into the ark of the Lord	1 Samuel 6:19	50,070	32,527,395
57	God delievered Philistines to Jonathan	1 Samuel 14:12	20	32,527,415
58	God forces the Philistine soldiers to kill each other.	1 Samuel 14:20	1,000?	32,528,415
59	God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite man, women, and child.	1 Samuel 15:2-3	1,000?	32,529,415
60	Samuel hacks Agag to pieces before the Lord	1 Samuel 15:32-33	1	32,529,416
61	God delivers the Philistines.	1 Samuel 23:2-5	1,000?	32,530,416
62	"The Lord smote Nabal."	1 Samuel 25:38	1	32,530,417
63	God delivers the Philistines to David (again).	2 Samuel 5:19, 25	1,000?	32,531,417
64	Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling	2 Samuel 6:6-7, 1 Chronicles 13:9-10	1	32,531,418
65	David and Bathsheba's baby boy	2 Samuel 12:14-18	1	32,531,419
66	God sent a three-year famine because of something Saul did.	2 Samuel 21:1	5,000?	32,536,419
67	The seven sons of Saul hung up before the Lord	2 Samuel 21:6-9	7	32,536,426
68	From plague as punishment for David's census (men only; probably 200,000 if including women and children)	2 Samuel 24:15, 1 Chronicles 21:14	200,000	32,736,426
69	A lion is sent by God to kill a prophet for believing another prophet's lie	1 Kings 13:1-24	1	32,736,427
70	Baasha killed everyone in the house of Jeroboam "according to the saying of the Lord."	1 Kings 15:29	1,000?	32,737,427
71	Zimri killed everyone in the house of Baasha "according to the word of the Lord."	1 Kings 16:11-12	1,000?	32,738,427
72	Religious leaders killed in a prayer contest	1 Kings 18:22-40	450	32,738,877
73	God delivers the Syrians into the Israelites' hands	1 Kings 20:28-29	100,000	32,838,877
74	God makes a wall fall on Syrian soldiers	1 Kings 20:30	27,000	32,865,877
75	God sent a lion to eat a man for not killing a prophet	1 Kings 20:35-36	1	32,865,878
76	Ahaziah is killed for talking to the wrong god	2 Kings 1:2-4, 17; 2 Chronicles 22:7-9	1	32,865,879
77	Burned to death by God	2 Kings 1:9-12	102	32,865,981
78	God sends two bears to kill 42 children for making fun of Elisha's bald head	2 Kings 2:23-24	42	32,866,023
79	An unbeliever is trampled to death	2 Kings 7:17-20	1	32,866,024
80	God calls for a seven year famine.	2 Kings 8:1	10,000?	32,876,024
81	Jezebel	2 Kings 9:33-37	1	32,876,025
82	Jehu killed "all that remained unto Ahab in Samaria ... according to the saying of the Lord"	2 Kings 10:16-17	100?	32,876,125
83	God sent lions to kill "some" foreigners for not fearing him	2 Kings 17:25-26	20	32,876,145
84	Sleeping Assyrian soldiers	2 Kings 19:35; Isaiah 37:36	185,000	33,061,145
85	Saul	1 Chronicles 10:14	1	33,061,146
86	God delivers Israel into the hands of Judah	2 Chronicles 13:15-17	500,000	33,561,146
87	Jeroboam	2 Chronicles 13:20	1	33,561,147
88	"The Lord smote the Ethiopians."	2 Chronicles 14:9-14	1,000,000	34,561,147
89	God kills Jehoram by making his bowels fall out	2 Chronicles 21:14-19	1	34,561,148
90	Judean soldiers killed for forsaking God	2 Chronicles 28:6	120,000	34,681,148
91	God delivered the Israelites into the hand of the Chaldeans.	2 Chronicles 36:16-17	1000?	34,682,148
92	God and Satan kill Job's children and servants	Job 1:1-19	60?	34,682,208
93	Ezekiel's wife	Ezekiel 24:15-18	1	34,682,209
94	Ananias and Sapphira	Acts 5:1-10	2	34,682,211
95	Herod	Acts 12:23	1	34,682,212

Who has killed more, Satan or God?

And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it. Job 1:1-19

Since I revised the number on God's kill list, I also have to change the God vs. Satan killing contest results. So here it is.

In a previous post, I counted the number of people that were killed by God in the Bible. I came up with 2,301,417, which, of course, greatly underestimates God's total death toll, since it only includes those killings for which specific numbers are given. No attempt was made to include the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc., with which the good book is filled. Still, 2 million is a respectable number even for world class killers.

But how does this compare with Satan? How many did he kill in the Bible?

Well I can only find ten, and even these he shares with God, since God allowed him to do it as a part of a bet. I'm talking about the seven sons and three daughters of Job.

There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job ... And there were born unto him seven sons and three daughters.
...
And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? Then Satan answered the LORD ... put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face. And the LORD said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD.
...
And there was a day when his sons and his daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house...And, behold, there came a great wind from the wilderness, and smote the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young men, and they are dead; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee. -- Job 1:1-19

So it seems that both Satan and God share the blame (or the credit) for these killings. If so, then the tally would be:

	killings
God	2,301,417
Satan	10

No contest.

Update
I've tried to assign numbers to the un-numbered killings in the Bible. You can see the detailed list here.

The results were even more lopsided: 33 million (plus or minus a few million) for God; 60 for Satan.

Here is a more complete table.

	numbered killings	estimated total killings
God	2,301,427	33 million
Satan	10	60

How many has God killed?

I kill ... I wound ... I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. -- Deuteronomy 32:39-42

How many people did God kill in the Bible?

It's impossible to say for sure, but plenty. How many did God drown in the flood or burn to death in Sodom and Gomorrah? How many first-born Egyptians did he kill? There's just no way to count them all. (But see here for a rough estimate.)

But sometimes the Bible tells us exactly how many were killed by God. Here's a list of those that I can find. (If you find any that I've missed, let me know and I'll add them to the list.)

So far I come up with a total of 2,301,428 (not including, at least in some cases, women and children).

		Verse	Number killed	Cumulative total
1	God drowns everyone of earth (except Noah and his family)	Genesis 7:23	?	?
2	God rains fire and brimstone on Sodom and Gomorrah, killing everyone.	Genesis 19:24	?	?
3	Lot's wife for looking back	Genesis 19:26	1	1
4	Er who was "wicked in the sight of the Lord"	Genesis 38:7, 1 Chronicles 2:3	1	2
5	Onan for spilling his seed	Genesis 38:10	1	3
6	A 7 year, world-wide famine	Genesis 41:25-54	?	3
7	7th Egyptian Plague: Hail	Exodus 9:25	?	3
8	God kills every Egyptian firstborn child.	Exodus 12:29-30	?	3
9	God drowns Egyptian army	Exodus 14:8-26	600	603
10	God and Moses help Joshua kill the Amalekites	Exodus 17:13	?	603
11	Israelites for dancing naked around Aaron's golden calf	Exodus 32:27-28, 35	3000	3,603
12	God plagued the people because of the calf that Aaron made	Exodus 32:35	?	3,603
13	Aaron's sons for offering strange fire before the Lord	Leviticus 10:1-3; Numbers 3:4, 26:61	2	3,605
14	A blasphemer	Leviticus 24:10-23	1	3,606
15	God burned people to death for complaining	Numbers 11:1	?	3,606
16	God sent "a very great plague" for complaining about the food.	Numbers 11:33	?	3,606
17	God killed ten scouts with a plague.	Numbers 14:35-36	10	3,616
18	A man who gathered firewood on the sabbath	Numbers 15:32-36	1	3,617
19	Korah, Dathan, and Abiram (and their families)	Numbers 16:27	3	3,620
20	Burned to death for offering incense	Numbers 16:35	250	3,870
21	For complaining	Numbers 16:49	14,700	18,570
22	Massacre of the Aradites	Numbers 21:1-3	?	18,570
23	For complaining about the lack of food and water, God sent fiery serpents to bite the people, and many of them died.	Numbers 21:6	?	18,570
24	God delivers the Bashanites into Moses' hands and Moses kills everyone "until there was none left alive."	Numbers 21:34-35	?	18,570
25	Phinehas impales a mixed-race couple having sex	Numbers 25:6-8	2	18,572
26	Israelites for "committing whoredom with the daughters of Moab"	Numbers 25:9	24,000	42,572
27	Midianite massacre (32,000 virgins were kept alive)	Numbers 31:1-35	?	42,572
28	God kills the entire Israelite army	Deuteronomy 2:14-16	?	42,572
29	The slaughter of the Zamzummim, Horim, Avim, and the Caphtorim	Deuteronomy 2:21-22	?	42,572
30	God hardened the king of Heshbon's heart so that the Israelites could massacre his people. (included several cities)	Deuteronomy 2:33-34	?	42,572
31	All the men, women, and children in 60 cities	Deuteronomy 3:3-6	?	42,572
32	Massacre of Jericho	Joshua 6:21	?	42,572
33	Achan (and his his sons and daughters) for taking the accursed thing	Joshua 7:10-12, 24-26	1	42,573
34	The Ai Massacre	Joshua 8:1-25	12,000	54,573
35	God slaughters the Amorites and even chases them "along the way" as they try to escape.	Joshua 10:10-11	?	54,573
36	Joshua kills 5 kings and hangs their dead bodies on trees	Joshua 10:24-26	5	54,578
37	Massacre of 7 kingdoms	Joshua 10:28-42	?	54,578
38	The remining kingdoms	Joshua 11:8-12	10,000	64,578
39	Massacre of the Anakim	Joshua 11:20-21	?	64,578
40	God delivers the Canaanites and Perizzites	Judges 1:4	?	64,578
41	The Jerusalem Massacre	Judges 1:8	?	64,578
42	Ten Massacres, a wedding, and some God-proof iron chariots	Judges 1:9-25	?	64,578
43	The LORD delivered Chushanrishathaim	Judges 3:7-10	?	64,578
44	Ehud delivers a message from God: a knife in the belly	Judges 3:15-22	1	64,579
45	God delivers 10,000 Moabites	Judges 3:28-29	10,000	74,579
46	Barak and God Massacre the Canaanites	Judges 4:14	?	74,579
47	Jael pounds a tent stake through a sleeping man's head	Judges 4:18-25	1	74,580
48	God forces Midianite soldiers to kill each other	Judges 7:22, 8:10	120,000	194,580
49	A city is massacred and 1000 burn to death because of God's evil spirit	Judges 9:23-57	?	194,580
50	The Ammonite massacre and Jephthah's daughter	Judges 11:32-33	1	194,581
51	The spirit of the Lord comes on Samson and he murders 30 men for their clothes	Judges 14:19	30	194,611
52	The Spirit of the Lord comes upon Samson and he kills 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass	Judges 15:14-15	1,000	195,611
53	Samson's God-assisted act of terrorism	Judges 16:27-30	3,000	198,611
54	"The Lord smote Benjamin"	Judges 20:35-37	25,100	223,711
55	God smites more Benjamites	Judges 20:44-46	25,000	248,711
56	For looking into the ark of the Lord	1 Samuel 6:19	50,070	298,781
57	God delievered Philistines to Jonathan	1 Samuel 14:12	20	298,801
58	God forces the Philistine soldiers to kill each other.	1 Samuel 14:20	?	298,801
59	God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite man, women, and child.	1 Samuel 15:2-3	?	298,801
60	Samuel hacks Agag to pieces before the Lord	1 Samuel 15:32-33	1	298,802
61	God delivers the Philistines.	1 Samuel 23:2-5	?	298,802
62	"The Lord smote Nabal."	1 Samuel 25:38	1	298,803
63	God delivers the Philistines to David (again).	2 Samuel 5:19, 25	?	298,803
64	Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling	2 Samuel 6:6-7, 1 Chronicles 13:9-10	1	298,804
65	David and Bathsheba's baby boy	2 Samuel 12:14-18	1	298,805
66	God sent a three-year famine because of something Saul did.	2 Samuel 21:1		298,805
67	The seven sons of Saul hung up before the Lord	2 Samuel 21:6-9	7	298,812
68	From plague as punishment for David's census (men only; probably 200,000 if including women and children)	2 Samuel 24:15, 1 Chronicles 21:14	70,000	368,812
69	A lion is sent by God to kill a prophet for believing another prophet's lie	1 Kings 13:1-24	1	368,813
70	Baasha killed everyone in the house of Jeroboam "according to the saying of the Lord."	1 Kings 15:29	?	368,813
71	Zimri killed everyone in the house of Baasha "according to the word of the Lord."	1 Kings 16:11-12	?	368,813
72	Religious leaders killed in a prayer contest	1 Kings 18:22-40	450	369,263
73	God delivers the Syrians into the Israelites' hands	1 Kings 20:28-29	100,000	469,263
74	God makes a wall fall on Syrian soldiers	1 Kings 20:30	27,000	496,263
75	God sent a lion to eat a man for not killing a prophet	1 Kings 20:35-36	1	496,264
76	Ahaziah is killed for talking to the wrong god	2 Kings 1:2-4, 17; 2 Chronicles 22:7-9	1	496,265
77	Burned to death by God	2 Kings 1:9-12	102	496,367
78	God sends two bears to kill 42 children for making fun of Elisha's bald head	2 Kings 2:23-24	42	496,409
79	An unbeliever is trampled to death	2 Kings 7:17-20	1	496,410
80	God calls for a seven year famine.	2 Kings 8:1	?	496,410
81	Jezebel	2 Kings 9:33-37	1	496,411
82	Jehu killed "all that remained unto Ahab in Samaria ... according to the saying of the Lord"	2 Kings 10:16-17	?	496,411
83	God sent lions to kill "some" foreigners for not fearing him	2 Kings 17:25-26	?	496,411
84	Sleeping Assyrian soldiers	2 Kings 19:35; Isaiah 37:36	185,000	681,411
85	Saul	1 Chronicles 10:14	1	681,412
86	God delivers Israel into the hands of Judah	2 Chronicles 13:15-17	500,000	1,181,412
87	Jeroboam	2 Chronicles 13:20	1	1,181,413
88	"The Lord smote the Ethiopians."	2 Chronicles 14:9-14	1,000,000	2,181,413
89	God kills Jehoram by making his bowels fall out	2 Chronicles 21:14-19	1	2,181,414
90	Judean soldiers killed for forsaking God	2 Chronicles 28:6	120,000	2,301,414
91	God delivered the Israelites into the hand of the Chaldeans.	2 Chronicles 36:16-17	?	2,301,414
92	God and Satan kill Job's children and servants	Job 1:1-19	10	2,301,424
93	Ezekiel's wife	Ezekiel 24:15-18	1	2,301,425
94	Ananias and Sapphira	Acts 5:1-10	2	2,301,427
95	Herod	Acts 12:23	1	2,301,428

The worst book in the Bible

Okay, this won't be as easy. There are only three books in the bible that have more good stuff than bad (Ecclesiastes, Proverbs, and James), so the best book had to be one of them. Ecclesiastes won that contest hands down.

But what about the other 63 books in the Bible? Well, let's start with a scatterplot of the net good by the number of verses in each of the Bible's books.

There are three books that fall well below the line: Revelation, Deuteronomy, and Jeremiah. But which of these is the worst?

It might help to separate the Old and New Testaments.

And here's a plot of the netgood by number of verses in the New Testament books.

So at least we know the worst book in the New Testament. Revelation.

Now back to the Old Testament.

There they are again: Deuteronomy and Jeremiah. But it's hard to tell from the graph which is worse.

It might help to look at the net bad on a percentage basis. How many net bad verses are there in 100 verses? Here's a plot for just the three worst books.

So it looks like Revelation wins the prize.

[I should mention, though, that there are a few small Old Testament books that have even higher percent net bads. Zephaniah, Obadiah, and Amos have net bad percents of 54.7, 42.9, and 40.4, respectively. (These three were the low outliers in the last plot of the previous post.) But they are much smaller than the big three bad books -- Revelation, Deuteronomy, and Jeremiah.]

The Best Book in the Bible (revisited again)

I thought I'd start the new year off on a positive note by looking at the good stuff in the Bible. I've tried (twice) before to find a way to measure the goodness of the books in the "Good Book", but I wasn't completely satisfied with the results. So here's one more try. Let me know if you have any suggestions.

In the SAB, I identify the Bible's verses that contain good advice about how we should live our lives, whatever our religious views might be. For example, I think it's a good idea to try, at least as much as possible, to treat others kindly. So I include Leviticus 19:18 ("Love thy neighbor as thyself.") in the "Good Stuff". Of course, not all the verses that I've marked good are as good as this verse, but I marked them good because they seemed (at least somewhat) good to me.

So take a look at the SAB's good stuff to see if you agree, at least most of the time, that the verses that I've marked good are, in fact, good. If so, then the following analysis should be reasonable for you as well.

I'll begin with a plot of the number of good things in each book of the Bible.
(For the complete list, see here.)

(The graph on the left is a histogram; the graph on the right is a box plot.)

There are two far outliers in the data: Ecclesiastes and Proverbs. Proverbs has the most good stuff (58), but it is also a much bigger book (915 vs. 222 total verses). Here is how it looks when size is taken into account.

So Ecclesiastes has nearly twice as much good stuff (per 100 verses) than any other book in the Bible.

But what about all the bad stuff in the Bible? Shouldn't we try to find a way to rate the goodness of a book by weighing both the book's good and bad stuff?

The simplest solution, I think, is to count up the good things in each book and subtract the bad. The result is the net good. (I totaled cruelty, injustice, intolerance, family values, women, and homophobia to get the number of bad things, since the verses marked with these categories are all morally objectionable.)

When I did that, I found that there are only three good books in the Bible: Ecclesiastes (of course), Proverbs (5), and James (1). Two others that have a zero net goodness. The other 61 books are all more bad than good (with a negative net goodness).

Here's a plot of the net good verses by the total number of verses in each book of the Bible.

(The model reflects the overall mean number of 9.2 net bad passages per 100 bible verses.)

And here is a boxplot of the net goodness (or badness) on a percentage scale.

(Can anyone guess which books are the three far low outliers on this graph? I'll leave that for another post, since I'm trying so hard to stay positive on this one.)

So no matter how you look at it, Ecclesiastes is by far the best (and pretty much the only good) book in the the Bible.